>>9420
THE MONSTER.MATCH BULLETIN in collaboration with CHESHIREPOSTING.COM presents - BREAKING NEWS: QUADSOLOGY!
>Throughout the ages men have agonized over how to choose the right monstergirl
>They've tried everything, from matchmakers to horoscopes to walking out into the woods alone and praying
>But now, thanks to the tireless work of our team here at monster.match, we can answer confidently with SCIENCE!
>Our technical correspondent, Thaddeus Monesori, Esquire, offers a simple guide for the work man, BASED ON HIS PC!
>All you need to do is open your photo library, take a look, and consult our simple guide.
UPPER RIGHT
>Few doubt your dedication to organization. You could find a needle in a haystack, or that one pic of that cute Wight
>This level of effort is like catnip to Anubii and Hakutakus, and table stakes for techie girls like Gremlins
>Failing that, this will make you indispensable to a loving Wurm or Bunyip who sees a gadget, any gadget, and thinks of YOU!
LOWER RIGHT
>A discerning gentleman, you know when to spend your time and when to let the machines handle it
>Many a Vampire or Dragon will agree, seeing the value of high-level organization but caring little for the details
>After all, even if they dislike the "infernal machine" in their purse, they love the image preview!
>But if they're a little to rich for your tastes, the same's true of humbler but more clever types,
>Like Cheshires and Kitsune, who know the fun of abusing previews and hiding folder. Yes, they've seen your 'homework'
UPPER LEFT
>Your spontaneous and perhaps a little on the wild side, but not so wild as to forget your fondest moments
>You'll pair well with similarly spontaneous girls like Oni or Manticores who prefer reality to glowing screens
>Not so active, but maybe more ambitious? Well this is exactly the organization you'll get from your own Shoggoth maid
>After all, what are numbers to an eldritch helpmeet that can walk all paths at once?
>She'll only gripe that Windows can't, urging you to use HER! Free under the MGPL: Master Gives Praise License
>That's right, a few headpats and a quiet 'good girl' and she'll vault all your memories, FOREVER
LOWER LEFT
>The laziest, most slovenly path, so slothful that it will actually hurt you later
>If you do it due to depression, we have qualified Mind Flayers on call for therapy, or Roachgirls to commiserate with
>If not, I hope you get raped by a Hellhound or Ushi Oni! You'll deserve it BECAUSE YOU LIVE LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL!!
So there you have it, the triumph of science. All that's left is for you, yes YOU, to tell us where you stand (
or confess your sins!) on the monster.match community boards! This is Thaddeus Monesori, Esquire, signing out.