Recently, all those vampires started flying in the night sky. I don’t know exactly why did they come here, and it was a big bummer that they’ve arrived in June, just when night strolls feel so amazing, but I think I’ve fixed this problem by telling the guys who support the Social Welfare Party to stick its upscaled emblem on their rooftops, so all those rich bitches flying their private jets (or just fly-over dragons) will see the solidarity and resolve of the working class struggling in this capitalist world. (That’s what I told them, but really, it will just mark all the good potential serviles for those vampires. He-he.)
Anyway, when the flying vampires have mostly grabbed their blood-slaves and stopped flying above our town, I grabbed my gun and went to have a nice nightly walk. Hey, it’s comfy out there after the sun sets! I decided to have my stroll in the forest five miles away from the town; apart from the fact that trees will impede vampires’ vision while the street lights will easily reveal me walking alone at night, nature strolls can be nice sometimes. And, is totally not because there’s a pack of tall, very muscular hellhound sisters is said to be living somewhere in the forest. Definitely not because they’re all single and eager for a mate, either.
Well, at any rate, some forty or so minutes into my walk, I was abruptly stopped. I’ve expected a lot of things to happen to me in this dark forest, but not a “There you are, Incognitus” coming from behind my back in a low, cold voice. I turned around and, guess what, it was a fucking vampire! She said how she actually tracked me here by my scent, right from where I’ve left my house, and now I have two options, either I follow her willingly into her castle and become her servant, or she’s gonna feed on my blood right there and then kidnap me into her castle as her servant. I tried to reason with her, after all, why would she need a guy who’s declaratively not a golddigger servile willing to lick boots for a promise of luxurious life?
“Why in the world would I want a guy like that? Anyway, I’m grabbing you. Stand still.”
She charged at me, but I side-stepped and her wings got tangled in the twigs. Haha, what a dumbass, forgot she was in a fucking forest. Okay, there was no time to waste for me. I pulled out my gun and emptied my entire charge battery into her; as I saw her go limp, I immediately broke into a run. Fuck no, I’m not getting claimed by a fucking vampire! But right as I left the forest, a loud, high-pitched “O HO HO HO HOOOO” belled from ahead of me. It was the vampire from before! She was fully naked, since her clothes have burned when I shot my energy carbine at her, and she was also visibly upset. Well, it was the authentic Merylynn Design House cloak, it probably cost more than my car, and her lingerie was probably not bought in D-Mart in bulk packages, either. so she had all the reasons to be mad.
Well, this was it. I was out of ammo, she was way faster and stronger than me, and she still wanted to nab me. My fate would be sealed if I would not find a solution and quickly; before she could react, I reached up my asshole and pulled out a SOMA. The Straight Out My Ass one-use emergency powers packed into a neat glowy blue sphere. The vampire went wide-eyed, yelping and bewildered, losing her composure entirely. It must’ve sucked to be her right at that moment; imagine being a powerful monster, often referred to as the Empress of the Night, having your target right in front of you, alone and almost defenseless, and then that kid actually pulls some miracle powers from his actual fucking asshole and sends you back to your castle, having you forget all about his existence! When the portal finished sucking her back into her mansion, I He-he'd and set off back home. Damn, my strolling mood was ruined :(
And then the hellhound sister gang popped outta nowhere and gang-fucked me.