>>123173 Are any of these sneks mean and holding onto a slice of carrot cake?

need snek

I want to go to the deem cafe to request the beegest, thickest deem they have on staff and have her feed me cake as I sit in her lap.

>"Thought you didn't like to play the hero?" <"Doesn't mean I don't know how."

>>123177 This is what happens when your wife hangs out with her damphire friend.

>pov >you went to the checkout with a female cashier

>Phew! >Thanks for the blowjob miss succ, but one cum is enough for me! >Good night!

>>123176 This is how you end up a demons husband anon. You are effectively a cuddly toy. She’s gonna eat you up.

>white snake time again Good thread.

>>123181 I see no problem with that whatsoever. I mean, being a cuddly toy for a beeg thicc demon seems like the life; if the route I take lets me sit in said demon's lap and rest my head against her enormous rack and sit on her plushy thighs, so much the better.

>>123180 >She lets you go >She then rapes you in your dreams all night long >Ms. Nightmare is very upset with her the next day,but it was worth it

I will play with hebi's pointy ears.

I'd like one extra large portion of snek cuddles, please.

>>123187 Smelly snakecel. Wet dog snakecel.

>>123182 >"Th-th-th-THREAD!?" >"ARACHNE BITCHES NEED TO BACK THE FUCK OFF!" >enraged_hebi_noises.youtube.com

>>123186 Egads! I bet you would even nibble them gently, you rough beast!

>>123187 This yip appears to have tan lines for a bikini bottom, but no tan lines for a bikini top. Makes you think.

>>123193 I think it's just light on her tummy. Her skin looks a bit shiny.

Sex with little girls!

>>123195 I'm listening.

>>123190 When i saw roomba as one of the raffle prizes, this is not what I had in mind

>>123174 That seems highly specific

>>123179 There's a reason for the old wisdom of >don't stick your dick in crazy But of fucking course monsterfuckers go >hmm, I want to marry the most unhinged batshit insane bitch there is

>>123179 Is she burning his ball? Horrifying

>>123189 Wet cat, not dog

>>123200 Desperate times call for desperate measures.

>I missed the cat cafe talk Damn it

>>123203 What happens when you accidentally get a boner in the cat cafe while petting the cat?

>>123196 >put out a request for a monster knight to protect you on your journey >the only response you get is from a pixie >it turns out her stats are just as busted as the full-size monster knights

>>123187 she looks like you're the fourth person in the world to hear the sound of her voice

>>123205 >hire her >wtf her gear is insane >unequip all of it and take it >try to equip it <You do not have proficiency in fairy armor. >what <You do not have proficiency in fairy armor. >not even the sword? <This item is too big for you. Idiot. >naked fairy knight 2.5x your level gives you the eyebrow as you trade it back in shame.

>>123195 i'm beginning to think this was the answer all along

>>123195 Good morning Jeff!

Kinda need a pair of tits to sleep between

>>123210 >anon knackers his back with this odd sleeping position

>>123213 Indeed. Knackered napping on her knockers.

>>123195 This guy is right

>>123195 Yes, powerful little girls bearing my children I love the Sabbath

>>123210 I understand, that's I want portals to open soon so my auntster can manifest, find me and let me use her as my personal body pillow every night, I bet that despite sleeping 5 hours at best during working days my cortisol levels would drop dramatically and my testosterone would rise up drastically just by having her by my side during sleeping, her titties around my face and her arms and legs hugging me tight

dragon inspector is a real job (but my license is fake)

>Ah crap. My coordinates on my missile were off. >Eh, it's just one data centre. What's the worst that could happen.

A man could not sleep between a pair of Grem titties

>>123226 if i had two grems i could probably work something out

>>123227 You might be onto something.

Grem is small. Grem is also a cat (it true). Therefore, when sleeping with Grem, she will find a way to take up 80-100% of the bed.

we back

we black

>>123232 And small

>>123232 >we're 100% black >lapdogs, three fifty

>>123235 The portals can't happen soon enough. I'm sure monster girls would produce banger games like that.

>>123204 Accidentally? >>123221 >When your wife's diabolical plans accidentally do the world good Oh, "accidents!" I get it!

>>123236 >you can kiss my fucking ass This really hits different in demon realms

>>123239 You’re not supposed to actually do it. That’s why she’s got a big floof tail to clothesline you on approach. If you actually kissed the hounds ass why she’d… she’d… something.

>>123240 >You’re not supposed to actually do it. The big fluffy tail is to cover your head and her rear so that you don't break public sex laws

>>123235 Do you have any idea how to multiply?

>>123241 Doing something like that in public is embarrassing but hot, so I’m glad shes got a way to do it without raising eyebrows. I’m gonna smooch her perfect hound ass so much.

>>123241 The tail isn't nearly fluffy enough for concealment. Now, foxes, nuki, rata, and (surprisingly) kikimora, on the other hand...

>>123244 I’m gonna say the nuki has the most smoochable buttocks in that group.

buy low sell high

>>123245 I agree

>>123247 god i love ass worship

Just went down to the shop that just opened down the street and the danuki working there said she's give me a 20% discount if I let her sit on my face. Jokes on her, I would have let her do it even with no discount!

>>123247 >>123248 I want to play with auntie's cheeks

>>123249 It’s a long shift and that chair can get so uncomfortable(lie). Nobody can even see you under there so it’s all fine. Just stay reasonably quiet and still. I wonder if mamano mana would make a guys face comfier to sit on.

>>123251 Maybe? I imagine even if there is any discomfort, Miss Danuki is more than willing to overlook it so long as she has a cute man lodged firmly under her derriere.

>>123252 >I thought I’d have to bribe you to agree to this >but now I’m looking at the tent in your pants and feeling how heavy you’re breathing under me >and I’m just wondering if you would have actually paid me to do this to you! >Just which one of us is enjoying this more hmm? >*lip bite* And then she pushes your pants down with her feet and gives you a tabi footjob while sat square on your face.

>>123221 I'm imagining a very angry system admin speeding through traffic heading to Grems secret underground lair It's not actually a secret he's just following the big neon signs on the highway for "Grem's Ubër Secret Lair (No Guys Allowed)"

Shirohebi

>>123255 white snake is best snake

>>123255 HEB HEBI

>>123256 ummmm racist and problematic, much?

>>123256 Just plain wrong.

What is your favourite snex position?

>>123258 Yes, we must secure the existence of our people and a future for wight children.

>>123260 Constricting me until I pass out, cum, or both.

>>123260 face to face fully coiled, just like in the good book.

>>123256 Exactly, shirohebis are incarnation of the one true love

>>123264 Bonus points if she's kissing deep with her snek tongue. >>123262 The dream. And yet I also crave the venom.

>>123267 Not aggressive enough. One or both of them needs raging mushroom in their bento boxes.

>>123260 anything

kidnapping ryu while all the hebis are distracted

getting kidnapped by grape and then raped and graped and raped and graped and raped and graped and raped and graped and cuddled.

>>123207 The only way to save your reputation is to pretend you had other reasons for undressing her.

>>123269 wtf who turned hebi into a N

>>123273 Someone with good taste. Now drink your hebi juice.

I must rape.

>>123275 >cute weresheep after eating a raging mushroom

>>123274 I want hebi to drink my juice If you know what I mean ehehehe

>>123271 As if you would even call it rape after the first time.

>>123277 >t. Awkward Apple Orchard Anon

>>123277 And I want to drink some of that sweet sweet hebi juice. The one that is a love potion.

I'd just call the police that a strange woman is trying to break into my home

>>123280 Hebi spiking anons drink with love potion and homemade cookies. All of them are guaranteed included her love juice

>>123282 How much dicking does this bitch need before she calms the fuck down and stops putting her blood or other juices in your food?

>>123282 >hebi did you put your sweat/love juices in this? <…which should I answer to make you drink it?

We need art of gymmaxxing balrogs/pyrows.

A guy gets to film an entire documentary of the inner workings of a ryu shrine. He gets to talk to all the hebis. Learns about their religion, culture, daily routine. How the fire magic works. What they eat. Some startling truths. He doesn't realise one of the hebis is plotting to sex him. It's already too late.

>>123282 >anon assuming hebi put earwax or something into the cookies when really it was just milk

>>123285 True. Imagine her with a flat sexy toned tummy. I would lick so hard.

>>123255 he's right

>>123286 And it's not the first in that documentary series either. Different monsters. Different places. Same style and shooting and vibe. Learning about how a monster lives. But it's a different guy each time. Almost like there is cut footage of the documentarian getting raped after everything else is done. And then since he's busy starting a family, they have to get a new guy in. ...Anyway, I'm going to star in the new episode "Ogres, peeling back the layers." It's going to be my big break!

>>123290 The cameraman and boom mic operator have seen and heard it all

Hebi must have her mind blown when she finds out other women don't find her husband attractive.

>>123291 It's hard work! Also a lot of responsibility. Your work could be the first exposure of many single men to that kind of monster. You need to capture them in a fair, perhaps even favourable light. And monsters can be very excitable. If you film in a crowded area, you may be swarmed by curious monsters. Cameras are new technology to them. Everyone either not sure what the camera even is, or trying their hardest to get in frame. Succs and pyrows posing, minos flexing etc. If you film out in the wild, then you are banking on a wild monster not sneaking up behind you as you wait for the perfect shot.

>>123292 Hebi be like >more to me~

>>123293 >Anon inna woods >Photographin’ >Jinko sneaks up and gently cuddles him

>>123293 Fatal Frame but the ghosts are (more) horny

>>123295 >Anon inna wonderland >Photographin' >Eyes buried in the lens >A cheshire teleports by >"What'ch'nya doing?." >"SHH! Don't distract me from my photography." >"What are you photographin'?'" >"Cheshires. I'm hiding in wait for one to pass by." >"Can I watch and wait with you?" >"If you're quiet."

>>123285 <Hey Anon, wanna see me cut that mountain in half?

>>123297 very cute

>>123298 >Wanna see me do it again?

>>123290 <So what do you ogres do for fun >Well, we like to read the cutting-edge philosophies and dialogues on the nature of Ares published in reputable journals. Once a month or so we convene over whiskey to discuss these notions, and have even some highly respected contributors and theologians amongst our ranks. <what >other days we get drunk and compete to see who can throw a boulder the furthest <ah

>>123301 Basically Greek philosophers, read up on the meaning of Plato's name

>>123302 >a mino, an oni, an ogre, an amazon and some other robust monsters sitting around in revealing togas >shiny >muscular >sexy >drinking wine and eating grapes on a warm Mediterranean evening >debating nature of the Bacchus and Ares >Small anon scribe writing it all down without being distracted by their size or tits or ass or the ocassional flirtatious wink

>>123264 peak

>>123303 >Hakutaku: ummmm akshully you can never know the real truth >Amazon: shut up *drops robe and flexes chiseled body*

>>123305 The haku gets up and flexes back! Wonder if she’d simply be a ripped Haku or some sort of browncow Mino-haku hybrid.

>>123304 poke

>>123306 hakus are a mino subspecies so all hakus are ripped by default

>>123303 >mess up or provide an exemplary insight or otherwise catch their attention >rape >the next day bedridden >pelvis too sore to move >neck strained by intense facesitting and smothering and headscissoring >the culprit(s) tend to my injuries and recite the epics to me >delicious food, tender kisses and gentle milking >the (ripped) unicorn said she could have you mended in an instant, but suggested you heal naturally to give the culprit(s) time to make a softer impression

>>123204 Death, by snu-snu. Anon, being the most handsome man to ever enter the cat café ( lie ) will be snu-snu’d by the most beautiful cats in the Cat Kingdom, then the large cats, then the petite cats, then the large cats again.

Anon is cursed by a hex that makes him sound like a squeaky toy when squeezed or hugged or squeeshed.

did you know Gremlins are British in origin? so they're more WAAF than WASP

>>123312 Explains the Wallace and Gromit contraptions.

>>123312 She’s going to tell me to piss off when I ask her to experiment on me. I’m gonna bribe her with Jaffa cakes.

>>123314 careful anon, she might develop a habit and try to build a factory

>>123315 A jaffa cake factory? Or an Anon factory?

>>123315 I get it! I also get to hand feed her Jaffa cakes, and even on occasion get to eat one after she sits on it or puts it between her boobs. She has strong feelings about them being cakes and not biscuits. I’m pretty sure she’s devising some evil jam that causes bizarre and strange side effects to whoever eats it, and then putting that in a special batch of cakes. I fear I’m going to end up eating one and suffering the lewd consequences.

>>123317 >eat poisoned Jaffa cake >temporarily immobilised >hopelessly erect >British Grem has her wicked way with you >Confessing her feelings and emotions and wants while riding you >accent grows on you after a while >delivers antidote via drinking it and then kissing it into your mouth >psyche that was just more aphrodisiac (though she ingested some too in the process) That was batch A. Batch B is even more degenerate.

>>123318 Can we skip to batch DOUBLE D?

My task in a party is to sacrifice myself to the powerful bewitching fox so that others can get the treasure. Unfortunately I will have to stay with her forever as a "trade" but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make to stop her from going after my companions.

>>123319 Anon gets tits?!?

>>123314 >jaffa Kree!

>>123321 Yes. So many tits. GREAT TITS. Miss Grem is an avid birder and built an aviary.

>>123318 I want her to make one that shrinks me, and then she sucks on me like a piece of candy all afternoon and/or full body paizuri.

>>123323 Horny anon was shown tits and was disappointed Ornithologist anon was shown tits and was also disappointed Unfortunately Cupid-chan was drinking that day.

>>123325 C'mon, man. Birds are at least a nice date. Even if they're just lil guys. Dodging angry magpies is more of an advanced date anyway.

>>123322 <"Your goddess is false!" >"Nuh-uh, she sucked my dick just this morning. "

>>123320 go on without me, i'll hold her off

>>123328 >Fox desires SEX >Anon desires MOFU And that's how Anons get raped by foxes

>>123329 i want other stuff too, like a lot of kids could a fox do that? bet not

>>123332 >Anon tells fox wife he wants MANY kids >Anon gets gote farm for birfday They need the gotes for gote livers for BABY FOXES

Man, now I kinda want a beeg fluffy fox to cuddle. Even though they are objectively not as good as cats.

>>123337 you'd better start with a small or medium fox first, to make sure you're getting a safe dosage

>>123338 Hear me out: The fox is large enough that I can curl up in her lap like I am the cat.

>>123338 The problem with starting with a small fox is that you don't know how big she'll end up becoming, whereas with a large mature fox it's a pretty safe bet that she won't get much bigger down the road.

>>123340 >is that you don't know how big she'll end up becoming, Couldnt be more wrong. It's like cultivating a tree, you get to decide if she'll be a mighty oak the size of a house or a cute bonsai that fits in your palm

>>123204 You can keep the kot, she may even bring you in one of the beds up stairs to help you with you medical condition

You know what they say about big fox?

>>123343 Big brush?

Why are Asian kots among the best? I swear it's not yellow fever

>>123343 They say she was killed in Zanzibar, but reports of her death were greatly exaggerated.

>>123346 I understood that reference. >Reference? Hrrrgghhh

I’m going to lure a Grem using Jaffa cakes placed next to an unsorted tool set with the drill bits in the wrong order and a tv playing how its made. Dont ask me what I’m gonna do with her. I just wanted to see if it’d work.

>>123348 Catch and release, anon. As long as you set her free into the wild where she came form and belongs, all will be well

>>123349 I hope she comes back. Any trap I build for her would inevitably malfunction and trap me instead-they’ve got this weird effect on technology. Maybe I’ll just sit next to her and watch with her. Perhaps even scritch

>>123350 >they’ve got this weird effect on technology. And this is why you use the classic box and string trap. No tech to go wrong

Hebi in a box

>>123353 >hebi with a mysteriously short tail >she can coil you, but only like, once and a half >lookin like an upside down soft serve >why is hebi so short >don't ask, you're starting to find it crazy cute anyway >go get ice cream together one day >her tongue slithers out around the scoops, under them, pushing farther into the bottom of the cone, inches and inches of tongue, bathing itself in the melt at the bottom as she sups off the top >that's where it went

MIDGEETA, WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS RONERY LEVEL

>anon is no longer whoring himself to older monster women (his neighbors) for PC parts >now he's doing it just for a canister of diesel

>>123360 I would do it for free

>>123353 this must be one of those fated encounters i've heard about

>>123359 >”Midgeeta, no!” >”Stop making out with him! You don’t know where he’s been!”

Gremtality.

what if your nekomata was as greedy as a tanuki

>>123364 >Anon hugs Grem >Clothing now permanently stained with oil, grease, fried dough bits. GREMTALITY

>>123365 Not a bad thing, they're not evil.

>>123365 is it me or she has the yen sign as a hair clip?

>>123366 I wish for a third genie blowjob.

>>123368 Ugh. I would never EVER get with a woman who is non-evil.

>>123371 I like evil women but I also like titanias.

>>123371 That's a bit sad but I'm certain that you can find a chaotic evil nekomata

>>123371 You've got plenty of human women if evil is all that you want.

>>123366 >"summons a Troll"

>>123374 He wants sexy evil. Not kill your own kids evil.

>>123375 in attack mode or defense mode?

>>123375 Trolls homemaking skills, introverted nature and bombshell bodies makes them for pretty strong auntster candidates, and some Friday they can invite her single P'orc friends for extra fun, maybe play a D&D campaign or fighting videogames passing the controllers while stripping a piece of clothing on defeat

>>123378 All monsters can be auntster depending on the nephew's taste

I want to go adventuring with an elf hag and other older monster women.

>>123373 It is never sad to know what you want. I just have to be careful to avoid foxes (all evil) so I can get an evil Chesh wife who is evil and got a mustache so she can twirl it for EXTRA EVIL. It’s just held on with spirit gum.

>>123382 >anon finds out the "elderly care" job posting was not about making sure dementia patients don't leave the water running

>>123384 Devilishly deviant elder foxes would come up plans just that dastardly.

Huge grems

>>123386 What hath science wrought

>>123386 Huge (for a grem)

>>123356 You should get inside the box with the hebi, then you'll know what she means. >>123372 It can work. I'm guessing she has the msgk spirit in a big body. >>123386 It makes the hierarchy between her and her assistant clearer when she's the taller one.

>>123389 Grems trying to crash out the dairy industry that the Danuki rules

>>123386 She can keep anon safe in her panties

>>123390 Grem milk is full of chemicals but delicious

>>123390 >Grems trying to crash out the dairy industry Wow, I never pictured myself fighting on behalf of tanuki before. The milk must flow.

>>123390 I thought that Hagville was the main source of dairy in the MGE world

>>123390 My auntie's dairy is the best

What would jinko's cheese taste like?

>>123398 Probably cheesy

>>123399 But would it be strong or soft? Hard paste? Good with pear or grape?

>>123400 >But would it be strong or soft? Carnivore milk tends to have high fat content, so it should be a soft cheese.

>>123360 >if anon were a little more perceptive, he might ask why his older monster neighbor already had the exact supplies that he would need to get through a zombie outbreak

Yo liches be like >gii But then sahu be like >gii

>>123403 i mean if he's not asking about the various shaped keys, slide puzzles, statue pushing and other such mysteries to get around her house that's not going to push the needle

>>123376 these blue women don't seem as evil as they say they are

>>123407 It's like the "ancient evil awakens, turns out in the modern world the ancient evil's position is considered moderate" meme.

>>123408 <You pay how much in taxes? And they called me a tyrant for demanding five percent...

>>123407 Blue women get me thinking unwise things. Like buying a timeshare.

>>123411 The problem is not the malef's tax but the lack of use for IT or any computer science job in her castle

If you build it, they will cum

>>123416 But Miss Grem, I just want to do missionary position sex for the sole purpose of procreation!

>>123417 >You sick fuck, I'm in.

>>123418 >”DID SOMEBODY SAY SICK FUCK!?”

Before we start negotiations, is there anything you'd like to declare?

>>123420 I want a kitty cat.

>>123420 im very tired

>>123420 I drank way too much coffee and I really need to use the bathroom.

>>123411 Malef really works better as a tiny little midget.

>>123420 I am extremely gullible, easy to please, don't read the fine print, don't read the thick print, don't read any print, and certainly would not think over the ramifications of any agreement i sign up to.

>>123403 >whight has infiltrated anon's zombie apocalypse doomsday bunker by posing as a human >she was going to betray him and let the hoard in but then he started talking about repopulation, so maybe letting him hold out a bit longer wouldn't do any harm.

>>123422 If she shows you her pet cat will you go out with her?

she gets very excited over you signing

>>123428 Yes!

>>123429 some are better at hiding it than others

>>123431 You must understand, to a demon, that is, in fact, however, by the by, anon signing the contract is a very good thing indeed.

>Ah. He signed it. >... >*excited deem noises increasing in volume and pitch*

>>123429 Whoa hang on, did I miss a latenight?

>>123430 The cat likes you more than her. It demands you offer your lap to sit on, so that it may smug at demon from across the room.

>The sight of a man caught in a web, struggling to escape, stirs their sadistic heart and desire more than anything. you will never see a spider girl finge her self to your struggling

Apparently no one told her that she's supposed to start negotiations by asking for more than she really wants.

What more can she ask for than anon's entire everything? Is that what you want? Her to list every single thing she loves about anon and wants to make her own and nobody else's but theirs? In excruciating detail? Cause she'll do it. She will list everything she loves about you and why precisely she'd be your perfect match. How happy she'd make you. How happy you'd make her. In words that could never capture the depth of her feeling but by god she will try.

>>123438 >finally get kidnapped and tied up by that creepy spider NEET that's been stalking you for weeks >she's all excited and looking at you expectantly, waiting for the spectacle to begin >until you break the silence <yoo, we gonna fuck or what?

>>123435 I would alternate between: >Joy at having kot in lap >Smugness at being kot’s favorite person >Sympathy for deem who is not her own kot’s favorite person - always a painful blow I might even try to find ways we can share the kot.

>>123443 >breaking, anon and deem's spooning is interrupted by cat meowing loudly to be let in/out of room

>>123445 I want to be mad but I am not. However during sex the pure innocent feline must be removed from the room. Also I am shy.

>>123446 Such things are cute and must be allowed to happen. You can laugh about it afterwards. I agree that the cat must be removed from the room if sex. Cuddling is ok.

I don't get it, is this a flirty expression or does she look down on (you) as if you were some serf?

>>123449 Both because she knows it makes me aroused when she looks at me like a disgusting serf. I am gonna kiss her feet.

>>123450 Eww.

>>123449 It looks more like she's genuinely worried about you, like "why was he hiding under there?" or maybe "I think I clawed him too hard".

>>123450 Hot

>>123452 >why was he hiding under there? Well you see, you were changing a minute ago and I kind of didn't want to interrupt so I silently observed from down there...

>>123449 >>123452 It's a POV of lying on the floor, so yeah, I also think she's concerned.

Oh shit I got stuck in a perilous situation! (I'm out of beer lol)

>>123449 >it's as if she was looking at walking garbage

>>123457 Sigh, why can’t it be me that makes her look that way?

>>123458 You need to start thinking more like a garbage can and less like a garbage can't.

Huffing wight ass. Huffing hatter ass.

>>123439 This isn't a garage sale. Let's start off our new life together by being honest with one another.

>>123460 >hmm yes, I'd like to huff a literal corpse ass on the bright side, you don't want to put your tongue in a horse donut

>>123439 it's the devils that like making bargains, demons are more for contracts which has me imagining a devil being a used car salesman, asking you to make a deal with the devil

Wights doing the (figurative) ice queen routine are sexy

>>123462 Woah woah woah. Let me be clear. I absolutely do. And I don’t mind if the wight’s ass clean is as a whistle or if it reeks of sweaty corpse musk. Both are hot, but the second is hotter.

>>123464 ms lich should wear pants if she wants to be taken seriously

>>123467 She doesn't want to be taken seriously, she wants to be taken roughly. Ideally from behind so she can continue her research without stopping.

>>123468 If I was going to town on a lady and she was still working I would become too sad to continue.

>mrs. vampire offers you a suspiciously large amount of money to become a servant to her daughter >mrs. vampire is everything you would expect but she warns you that her daughter is "less refined than one might have hoped"

>>123470 Nah. She's cute, but I already got a job and I need more of a dommy older woman.

>>123470 > As it turns out, Daughter is something of a weeb but is actually fairly well-adjusted and socially functional > Likes to watch anime a lot, livesteams various popular FPSs; only has a few hundred followers but still seems to enjoy it > Actually wanted to get a job but her mother forbid it on the grounds of it being too low class for her > Most of her commands mostly consist of you going for the store and helping her with IT stuff on her computer; you helped put together a brand new gaming laptop just a few weeks after you got hired on > You've never asked, but you're pretty sure she has no interest in drinking your blood and is just stringing her mother along

>>123470 I'd take the job. Mrs. Vampire should be pleased she found her daughter a servant that likes her.

>>123473 >Anon prints out a thumbs up >Tapes it to Miss Vamp while she's streaming >Stream erupts <"HAH! He likes you!"

>>123420 The last time I sold my soul to an evil entity didn't end so well for me. I'm used goods...

>>123475 >"You WHAT?" >End of episode 1 of "Soul Jurisdiction" >It's a courtroom drama that ran for 17 seasons. >The main couple (the aforementioned deem and her "used goods" Anon) doesn't even kiss until season TWELVE. >And they had to keep that one kiss secret until episode 3 of season FIFTEEN. >Needless to say, the show was wildly popular with demons... >And the kinds of Anons who like demons (most Anons)

>>123472 Y'know, I'm okay with this. I wouldn't have taken that offer in the first place, but this wouldn't be a bad outcome if I did. It'd get awkward when her friends/other undead we meet start making eyes at me at I start making them back like the weak-willed man I am, however.

With further insight being the IT guy for a malef would be less painful than current job. I bet she would learn fast and the slow tapping on keyboard would become less infuriating with time. Don't know she needs internet

>>123478 Why do you assume that she would bother learning when she could just summon her cute lesser being servant (husband) to do computer things for her?

>>123481 She wants to do internet searches on her own without letting him see, such as "good birthday presents for a human male".

>>123478 >malef gets high end super pc >does nothing with it but play dressmaker

>>123484 Better than Anubises that get high end pcs to play map painters and stellaris

>>123481 That's even better if I just have to help this poor guy

>>123485 Probably used taxpayer money to buy it as well.

>get oceanographically canonized or whatever stupid fish religion spell makes you breathe water >still get choked out by mershark not letting you out of her hips

>>123484 That's cute, what's less cute is checking the internet research logs.

>>123485 thats so she can play 4 games of stellaris at once

Dicker got us into this mess, and Dicker's going to dick us out of it!

Back in the box

Back in the fox

Back in the wocks

>>123496 And they have the nerve to get mad at the mere female lizards meme when they act like this

>>123489 >how to rule the world >how to conquer the world >how to conquer the world on a tight budget >how to rule nearest city >what is a mayor >how to become mayor >how to run for office >mayor reforms that people would elect me for >do mayors burn things while in office oh no, my malef has a heart of gold

>>123498 That's not too bad, you should give her a treat as a reward

>>123498 >Would you like to tell us about your healthcare policy? <A single drop of my blood will render you immune to all known diseases and presumably all unknown diseases as well. >I see. And your defense policy? <I will personally incinerate anyone who dares to threaten my country or its people.

>>123500 >Too violent, can't be elected t. A scared racoon

>>123497 I don't think jabberwocks have ever denied it.

>>123504 What a sad situation, let it be a reminder to all anon

>>123505 Yeah… remember the jabberwock my son. The claws that cuddle, the boobs that smother . Beware her forehead kisses and ‘lo, the teasing earlobe bite

Friendly reminder to not have sex in zero-gravity environment, the juices get everywhere and cause short circuits.

Make out with wock tails despite your reluctance

Pierogi with venom filling to help master fuck the maids

>>123507 That's why the gremlins designed spacesuits with special ports that lock together and prevent any liquids from escaping. Unfortunately they're still in the prototype stage and the suits don't always unlock from each other afterwards.

>>123509 Venom doesnt work when eaten, silly maid. It needs to be injected, not ingested

Mmm manticore dom maid

>>123511 She had raging mushrooms in the meat mix, the venom is for taste and colour I'm dumb and forgot that venom can be eaten

>>123513 >>123509 Should she warn him and see if he eats them anyway?

>>123514 No, she will enjoy the compliments on her food before getting naked for dessert when the mushrooms take effect

>>123509 wtf, she's grinding up the mantifluffs into pierogi filling?!

>>123516 No, are you mad?

JOIN THE WORK FORCE TODAY

>>123512 Hard to be a good maid when her tail is drooling all over the floor.

>>123517 >Are you?

>>123520 I’m afraid to eat this macaron.

>>123521 It's filled with love (and madness)

>>123522 And psilocybin

Mantimaid that is plotting to rape anon but is way too proud to do a bad job of cleaning his house (manticores can do anything!) and then gets crit when he says she did a good job.

>>123510 I need such spacesuit with convenient boob faucets.

>>123524 Wait, who wants to rape who?

>>123515 >before getting naked for dessert Bad maid. Keep your clothes on. I'll rip them off at my discretion.

>>123526 Manti to anon, but this way there is time for them to develop a relationship and have some cute interactions and banter. He also gets to see her in a cute dress and sample her cooking. Having such a cunning predator as your maid is quite tense! You might wake up with her on top ready to give you a spining and a nursing pawjob.

>>123528 Ah, I thought she wanted to do bad job to get punished but couldn't bring herself to do it. My brain is too smooth.

>>123529 Hey if that's what you want then by all means.

>>123530 Tailpussy will polish it into a a perfect ball. I'm no mindflayer but I don't think that it's good for the brain

>>123526 >anon uncomfortably horny because maid has been putting venom in his food for the last two weeks >manticore venom still has some effect when eaten, even if not much >sees maid cleaning the floor on her hands and knees with her tail sticking up in the air one way or another, the maid always gets raped

>>123532 Can be call rape if she's one pushing on that direction

>>123533 yes especially since it makes things kinky. Lustful, selfish Master doing something so improper and evil as to defile his loyal innocent employee.....how horrible!

>>123535 This but the maid is too horny to resist holding master down and riding him within an inch of his life.

My mantimaid better sneak into my room at night and tailpussy my face while I sleep. Leave her used sweaty mantipanties on my pillow. Inject me with venom when I don't expect it. Put her love juices and venom and into her cooking.

>>123535 That's explain why the manti became a maid, too many doujhins

Lusty argonian dragonian maid

>Mmph, you're so good at this 'master' >Good boy

>>123540 >"I AM NOT A MAID! I'M TRYING ON A HALLOWEEN COSTUME!" >"AS A JOKE." >"FUCK YOU."

>>123540 It's a tutorial, not a novel

Getting doted on and carried by dragons

meant to be smooched licked and worshipped

>>123546 Abs are hot but would I go as far as licking them? I want to try it but I won't. Doing it would make me a sub, sorry miss jinko

>>123496 Imagine that picture with a loli Jabberwock except she looks even more shocked because of the size difference

>>123547 she'd really enjoy it. you'd enjoy it.

>>123547 you can lick abs dominantly, just bind her up and have your way with her and she won't be able to resist

>>123550 >>123549 If I can muster the courage, maybe. The main problem is the lack of kot irl anyway.

I am a tummy licker. I lick tummies (and pits)

>>123545 I want to be princess carried so bad.

>>123552 That dhampir is hot.

Getting wurmed by wurms

>>123491 >>123518 Oh great, we've got ants now

>>123557 I'd marry an ant queen if she wasn't such a goddamn monstrosity.

>>123558 Ant queens are just bigger ants. Termite queens are the ones who are hyper pregnant

>>123559 First, you're wrong. Ant queens have a different anatomy and biology, primarily they have a reproductive apparatus and they can grow wings when looking for a mate. Then, I was talking about their appearance, particularly the creepy lower part. Sexy ant girls should have four arms and have a huge ass.

>>123560 >”hey bby i herd u like a big ass”

>>123555 Her blood burns with the infinite corrupt passion of 10,000 dark crimson moonlight roses of vengeance

>>123562 oh my fucking god, I don't want a Bloodborne or other rollslop autist in my home (or bedroom for that matter

>>123563 What about an Armored Core autist?

>>123564 maybe monhun

>>123563 You're getting some rollsloppy top

>>123563 One more for me >>123564 >Get in the mech anon

>>123568 Instructions unclear; mech is now pregnant

>Ah, Agent 001, aka Miss Unicorn, how unexpected of you to drop by >And by unexpected I mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED >You and your pure heart have gone far enough meddling with my plans >So I will fight fire with fire >And by fire, I mean horns >BEHOLD THE HORN-INATOR >Soon, you shall have TWO horns, and will be too busy fucking Agent 003, aka Mr Anon, to ruin my plans to TURN THE PRESIDENT INTO A SHORTSTACK >This is the end, Agent 001, or should I now say, Agent 002!

This cat cafe seems somewhat unprofessional

>>123571 suggest all you like but a cat will do how it pleases

>>123571 This cafe must not be for me. I wanted maine coons, not munchkins.

YOU'VE BEEN SMOOCHED BY A HEBI ACCEPT YOUR FATE AS HER HUSBAND

>>123574 this happened after i bumped into a hebi at a blind corner

>>123574 Wtf, it looks like the bitch is trying to eat him

>>123576 She's love starved Of course she's devouring him

>>123576 hebis have been known to bite when cornered, although thankfully the venom is nowhere near as potent as an apophis

>>123579 venom or not sometimes hebis mark their husband with hickeys

>>123573 Big cat, good cat

>>123580 Nooo all that's delicious sake being wasted. Bad hebi, very bad

>>123582 You can still drink it.

>>123570 Wish I'd known the plan was to turn the president into a shortstack. I would have helped.

>>123586 I can’t believe they turned the president into a pancake.

>>123587 He was delicious!

>>123587 What I want to know is how the bogie managed to sneak an entire steamroller through the metal detectors.

>>123589 Hid it between her boobs.

>>123588 Dammit imp what did I say about eating heads of state!

>>123591 <"Uh... don't forget the shaft and balls?"

>>123591 You said “not 2“, Boss! So i just ate the one!

>>123584 SMUG

>>123595 All shortstacks are smug.

>>123591 >This is a pattern of behaviour >Miss Lich is not amused

>>123584 Now there's a grem that can thread a bolt, if you catch my drift.

>>123600 I do not. Please explain further.

>>123601 It's just grem lingo, it probably doesn't mean anything.

>>123600 She looks like she could put those thighs to good use, if you know what I mean.

>>123584 Auntie grem for Friday

>>123604 >I went back in time and fucked my nephew?!

>ANON YOU'VE GOTTA COME BACK WITH ME <Back where? >BACK TO THE FUTURE

>Now that you mention it, I never met my parents. They found me underneath a pool table in a box with "our ob or os" written on the side. I think they meant to write "our Rob or Ross" but they didn't know how to spell. <Grem that wasn't "our Rob or Ross" it was "ouroboros". Don't you get it? You left that box under the pool table.

>>123607 Too complicated. Need wurm.

>>123607 And now that you know, she'll have to kill you and trap your soul in a machine (vibrator)

>>123608 I need a hakuwurm to reword complicated problems into simple terms.

My face belongs beneath her loincloth.

>>123611 10,000 years of evil you're tasting.

>>123611 Her face belongs in my arms

>>123605 I bet that novel would sell like hotcakes in MGE book stores, auntsters know what would sell the best

Speaking of, you know what day and time it is. Gotta put the Habsburgs to shame when it comes to flattening the family tree.

I want a cute, horny, addicted to headpats malef sister with yandere tendencies. I don't care if she thinks she is superior lifeform and acts like she is owed tribute. In fact that is a bonus. Especially if she uses my face or body as her "seat". I will actively feed her go.

ms dragonewt can get some too i guess

>>123619 >If she's got her eye on a man, even a soldier who seems decent at a glance will take advantage of her position to try and lure prey into a place where it's impossible to escape from breeding. >What's more, although monsters are normally much less dangerous if they already have husbands, in the case of the dragonewt, you can't let your guard down even around married individuals. It appears that they instinctively delight in the birth of new dragons that follows mating when their dragon comrades obtain mates, so even married individuals will actively assist their unmarried comrades in getting men and will hatch wicked schemes to that end i like their fiendish machinations. there's got to be a lot of antics going on in Evil Dragon Town

The age of the childhood friend has ended, the age of the auntster has arrived

>>123619 i want a dragonnewt that completely mogs her malef mistress, completely outdoing her in regal appearance, body, power and charisma.

>>123616 >>123622 i hate Hagville. every landlady demands that i call them mommy/auntie, pay my rent in person, and then ropes me into doing something inappropriate whilst doing so.

>>123622 For me having a Zombie auntster would be the best, doing her best every Friday to please as best as she can due to her limitations until one day you fill her with enough mana that she becomes a Wight

>>123624 >ropes me into doing something inappropriate whilst doing so. Like operating a forklift without a license?

>>123624 I wonder if I would get sone kind of punishment or repercussions if after arriving to Hagville all the resident in my building plus the landlady get pregnant in a month

>>123629 yeah, you have to get the all the hags in the neighboring building pregnant too

>>123630 >you have to fertilize ALL the eggs

Really don't mind if you sit this one out *flute* My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout. *flute*

I've come across an ogre and a donkeytaur who've seemed to capture a human prince. Luckily me and my merrymen will save them.

>>123633 >An OGRE, getting with a cute prince? >*FLUSH* >Pfft, like that's ever gonna happen! <SOME HAKU ONCE TOLD ME

But I don’t wanna lose my virginity in an outhouse!

Look, I'm not saying onions don't have layers, but every layer is just more onion. No matter how deep you dig it never stops being an onion.

>>123636 You can’t be sure of that unless you kiss the ogr- I mean onion. You know, taste test. Yeah.

I have a MIGHTY THIRST for helldog milk

>>123629 Anon, I feel like you have a fundamental misunderstanding of why they offered you a free apartment.

When the ogre and hellhound fight each other over the right to rape me, that is when I shall make my grand escape

>>123639 i heard the church of eros will offer you a bed free* of charge if you need a place to stay the night

>>123640 >hellhound and ogre claim anons pelvis was broken when they got there

>>123641 I wish beeg Ushis had free beds. That'd be so sweet.

>>123643 Big ushis ARE free beds

>>123643 >see mysterious cave with a Free Hugs sign pointing towards the entrance hmm...

>>123639 >>123624 I have no idea why any of you people are renting apartments in Hagville; you can get a three or four bedroom place with a massive yard for nearly nothing and get to live in a nice neighborhood overflowing with single hags who love to bake cookies for their single male neighbors.

>>123644 >>123645 Another excuse to post this: https://files.catbox.moe/hpcdz7.png

>>123644 Any sufficiently big monster counts as a free bed. Slimes also deserve a mention

>>123646 Well, the Fox lady who runs the place said it's a converted shrine and I thought that would be nice retirement home. Plus she has huge ears and says "ara ara" all the time. And makes tea!

>>123646 the locals said it was a good idea

>>123649 I can see why that'd be appealing, but there's at least half a dozen foxes in my neighborhood (plus a few kunoichi and a dark mage or two), and they're all like that; they're constantly throwing parties that they invite me to, and sometimes I'll wake up to find one of them cooking breakfast for me just wearing an apron.

>>123651 Shrine life is so quiet, though. It's really peaceful here, and there's, like, a ton of foxes. They're apparently pretty standard at fox shrines and they're very chill little guys. Plus, no lawn to mow or house to keep up!

Wait, are you living at an apartment or a shrine? Cuz it doesn't sound like any apartment I've seen, monster girls or no.

>>123653 It's a former fox shrine with a handful of apartments formed from the living quarters of the priestesses. The owner is an older fox lady who does the priestess duties. I think it's just her way of being friendly and making the place more inviting.

>>123654 Ooh, I see! I'd heard that some shrines and other places were doing that sort of thing; a guy I know who moved into Hagville found an apartment in this one old manor a coven of dark mage hags had taken over; haven't heard from since, hope he's doing okay.

Anything can be an appartment in MGC. Like that old station wagon on blocks in the lot behind Grem's Garage. The one with the child locks.

>>123656 You joke, but MGC probably has incredibly stringent rules about the basic living requirements for any humans mamono take as husbands; any gremlin who tried something like that would have a cupid rolling a tank through her garage wall within fifteen minutes of posting the Craigslist ad.

>>123657 The grem would love that

>>123658 >"Oooh! Free tank."

>>123659 This can only end with anon, grem, and cupid living together in the tank. The tank will also be on blocks

>>123660 Miss Grem is probably going to take that tank and make it the head of a full-sized mecha; probably not the coziest of living conditions, but man oh man does it get through traffic jams easily.

>The gremlins in the abandoned warehouse are free >You can just take them >I have 17 gremlins in my basement <t. Anon whose basement now is larger than a football field and full of exploding spider robots (sexy)

>>123662 Bet you didn't even have a basement before,that's a real upgrade. The complete and utter lack of permits will be a problem if you try to sell, but...

>>123663 You say that, but can you IMAGINE that poor guy's heating and electric bills? SEVENTEEN GREMLINS doing experiments down there.

>>123664 Won't be a problem, actually, gremlins figured how to get both from mana centuries ago; the real pain in the ass is both providing all that mana and the sheer number of noise complaints he's going to be dealing with.

>>123664 I doubt many grids could supply the power they need, they probably dug some geothermal tubes for power ages ago. That or they use potatoes. Skilled hands can get a lot of power out of potatoes.

>>123666 while i'm sure there's a lot of ways to break the system with infinite or near infinite energy (dark matter engine, the physics interaction of two barometz bouncing off each other in an enclosed space, carrot on a stick in front of a greenworm) i prefer the time tested strategy of a sufficiently horny raiju and handing her 5$

Yay it's Friday night, almost Saturday, I hope every single one of you are enjoying quality time with your auntsters Have a good night guys and may your dreams be filled with those succulent incestuous fantasies

>>123664 Gremlins naturally produce oily rags as a byproduct, you can just burn those for warmth.

>>123664 if the gremlins dont solve the power problem by themselves then they're faulty and need to be returned to the factory. pretty sure theres a 4 digit number you can call for help with that

>>123662 But seriously, imagine taking a wild gremlin or two home only to discover they turned your basement into a secret underground hangar for fighter jets and killer robots

>>123671 May I pilot one?

Are you for or against GMOs (Genetically modified orgasms)?

>>123673 don't think I get a choice in the matter

>>123673 You WILL eat the GMOussy

The horror of bringing in so many gremlins to your household, and then one day you wake up strapped to a table with some gigantic sci-fi gun pointing at you, or a mana transplant to incubise you ready to go, or every smelly grem covered with sweat mounting a different part of your exposed body and sexing you.