>>48943 I think I'm a clone now 'cuz another one of me is always hanging about

>>48944 Way way back in the 1980s...

>>48943 Orange woman bad

Hebi daughter can sometimes be handful

>>48946 however; titty

>>48949 tell me more about compounds 1-26

>>48949 I don't see any side effects that need to be fixed.

Is there anything you do, be it intentional or not, that activates you wife's neurons? It could be species related, like running away from your Manticore wife to trigger her predatory instincts. Or something more specific to your wife, like a phrase that gets her going.

Magic can make your tits bigger, but only science can embiggen the butt

>>48954 In MGE it was more like step 1 -> *poof* -> step 4

>>48954 Don't post gachaslop here please

>>48947 hebi mom is going to turn them into belts.

>>48947 Look at them just climb trees like nothing.

>>48958 Healthy hebis have a good grip with their coils.

>>48959 So do they get their coil strength tested during their yearly medical checkups?

>>48960 Yes, if a hebi cannot crush a pig to death by 3 they send her off for strength training.

>>48961 Sounds a bit more brutal than necessary.

>>48962 Only the strong survive in the cutthroat world of shine maidenry

I think we should put shrine maiden clothes on a monster that wouldn't normally wear shrine maiden clothes. Like a sahu.

>>48963 >shine maidenry

>>48964 Ochi swordswoman shrine maiden

>>48965 They do a lot of shining anyway.

>>48967 >Marry Hebi >Polish her scales to a mirror-like sheen >BLIND YOUR ENEMIES

>>48964 Pale rider shrine maiden

>>48964 Shrine maiden clothes are pretty great, especially with the hip vents.

>>48969 The blessing is just the sexy flu.

>after your loli Salamander companion defeats other low level monsters or finds a secret treasure room >pat pat pat pat >later in your inn room, after she wanted to wrestle you >plap plap plap plap

>>48972 You really expect me to believe a sally would rather have sex in an inn over a dungeon's treasure room?

>>48973 Despite what some might think, monstergirls appreciate having a clean bed to get railed on.

>>48973 You're busy dungeon crawling, that's no time for sex, especially not compared to a cozy room with a soft bed. Also if she's on the cute and pure side and has more like a deep crush on you, it's on (You) to get too horny to contain yourself anymore and make the relationship physical.

>>48971 Can't be the flu. The maiden said it was a blessing for good health and luck. I'm sure its just a placebo affect but I feel better already. My sinuses feel clearer since then.

I need a heroine. I need a heroine to save me now. A heroine in tight leotard would be nice.

>>48977 You mean you're holding out for a heroine.

>>48978 I'm holding out for a Big Night Cat.

After playing lots of Conan Exiles I found how wonderful is to travel with a barely covered Troll dancer, with hose outfits with veils and little to no fabric, but still those goldes pasties and those golden metal bits those exotic dancer outfits, buffing and healing with the movements of her exposed body.

SEX

>>48981 i suppose

>Weird neet lilim >Writes weird neet porn >Finds out about the manga where Anon's penis turns into a cute girl and he dates her >Decides to put her own twist on it >Futanari Girl has a penis that turns into a cute girl... >Who is also a futanari >By chapter 2 it starts to become clear what weird neet lilim is actually going for, and it is MESSED UP >That's right, math fans, she's writing an illustrated book of combinatorics, using replicating futanari for all the examples.

>>48924 I would love to. >>48983 This is so unfunny it could only be a lim self-reporting.

>>48947 Wow, so protective of her sister from that ravenous butterfly. Who knows what could have happened if it landed on her. It's no wonder they intercept everything on behalf of their husbands when they come from a land where even the butterflies are so dangerous.

>>48953 and ears require watering, plenty of sunlight, and soft singing to

I have sore throat, I want to die, send a pale rider

>>48987 get a shog, best ENT

>>48982 >anubis has finally gone on vacation >she returns, her only evidence being a new pair of sunglasses and a slightly darker shade of brown >enters the court to greet her substitute and get an appraisal of affa- >by set who are these unkempt whores >they couldn't be half her age >where did the empress find such starved dogs >out, out >ugh >never again >anubis forgets her sunglasses on her head as she hurries to the annals to compile a list of bachelors in the empire >embarrassment burns her sunbaked cheeks, but it can no longer be denied: she can only rely on herself >and there is only one way to have many of herself

>>48989 No, not the cat dancers

>>48988 ENT? I'm slowly warming up to shog now that I realized that she can be a kot too

Based on my height (around 177 cm) I have estimated that this dragon could be around 2.3 m to even 2.5 m (that is around 7 feet 7 inches to 8 feet 2) if that were me next to her. I will henceforth consider any dragon smaller than 2 meters to be too short.

>>48991 ear, nose, and throat doctor, you know, all the tubes in your skull

>>48993 Oh, they need a shog coating to heal up? Doesn't sound pleasent on paper

>>48994 no medicine is pleasant, but id rather snort shog to deal with sinus issues than having sinus issues

>>48995 True, Does the process include prayer to the Great Elders?

>>48982 >>48989 A cat would give better advice than a 'nubis and bring a new golden age

>>48997 I hate nyaggers

>>48996 i couldnt think of anything funnier than gesundheit

>>48998 More for me

>>49000 So much detail put everywhere but the toes.

>>48964 >day 100: the hebis still have not realized I am wurm

>>49004 Turns out, the hebis have realized, they just welcome wurm.

>>48984 More of an algebraist, eh?

Fact: Even a random mob succ can do (at least) 200 kg hip thrusts.

>>49009 Meow

>>49009 Same as Alps

>>49009 >get hip checked by mob succ >sent flying 100 meters through several walls Scary.

>>49012 But can a mob succ check my EMOTIONS? They're much more fragile than my hips.

>>49013 >They're much more fragile than my hips. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. >Succ mob goes to check on anon, who's practically incrusted in a wall. >She checks his hips. They stay steady, so they are fine, even if a bit beat up from the force. >Anon comes back to consciousness. <"Oh, would you look at who's still alive. Did you think i was going to rescue you? Baaka~. Like anyone would help a nerd like you." >Unlike his hips, anon's emotions fold outwards like an open book. <"Yep, this one has a broken heart syndrome. *Sigh*. Guess it's up to me to take you to the Eros Hospital." <"Listen, next time we see eachother, i want your hips to give out before your feelings do, mmkay. Is that a deal?"

>>49014 >Anon explains to Dr. Unicorn about the mean mob succ who is attacking him >Keeps crying the whole time he explains >Dr. Unicorn's urge to aggressively make love to... RISING

>>49015 Bad Unicorn! No!

If you throw a hoopla ring around the succ's horns, you can take her home as a prize!

>>49017 >hoopla ring Just use a lasso like a normal wife hunter

>>49018 He's not waifu hunting though. It's a game in an amusement park. The succs are suck in a wall, and if you land the hoop in one of the horns you can take her home. You can even go behind the wall and give her a "test drive".

>>49019 There's a dunktank that you can volunteer for. If you last 10 minutes you get a toy. By the way, the dunktank has a rabid mershark lurking in the water.

>>49020 That's not really a test of skill. You are just waiting for a cupid to appear and hit the target with atomic precision just so that she can argue later that "She was doing her job all along" while playing around in the amusement park hunting for single men for herself.

>>49021 the skill is in clinging to the walls while getting catcalled and splashed with water by the mershark some rock climber guy actually managed to hold on for the full 10 minutes, got the toy and gave it to the Golem girl he had a crush on

>>49009 >watching a succ hipcheck a punching bag at the gym she really puts the time in

>>49022 >Walk past mershark dunktank with hotdog >*SLAM* >*THUMP* >hungry shork smushing face against glass >keep walking >shork follows until the tank runs out >sad shork >feel bad >throw half of hot dog into tank >mershark leaps out and chomps it before it can get soggy >everyone claps >nearby beeg eros monster grabs anon >throws him into the tank >mershark leaps out and chomps him before he can get soggy >everyone claps

Made grog for my throat, feel like daydreaming about pirate mamonos and sea water

>>49025 >grog Anon throat is so sore he went caveman mode for a moment there. But seriously, what's grog?

String and fit mamono with cute pink clothes and cute little pink bows. Wait this isn't moongle.

>>49026 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grog Back to monkey on the sea

>>49029 Cheshires are going to have a field day with you if you keep making silly mistakes like that.

>>49030 Good but I really need to be more careful, sorry

>>48943 We're rich

>>49031 It's fine. We have a couple slavs that post in adidas vodka language every once in a while and they do fine. You don't need to worry about stuff like that.

>>49005 She's a honorary hebi

>>49032 We? There is no we, there is only my all of it.

>>49034 Yes, she would have better chances pretending to be Ryu, but even then Hebis should be able to figure it out because she can't fly or summon rain.

>>49036 rain still sometimes happens and she can jump real good it could work

>>49036 She might be bigger and has little to no magic abilities. But they appreciate her enthusiasm.

Make a moth into a mother

>>49039 i could be persuaded

>>49039 What are the advantages?

>>49032 Impregnate Dwarves

>>49032 Oh my aching head...! Would you lugs please bloody focus...?

>>49044 Mushroom, mushroom mushroom, mushroom

>>49044 Those ears are so molestable.

>>49040 Last pic is the DL's least rapey bug.

>>49042 Infinite thick fluff

>>49045 Dangerous hatters found underground when dwarves dug too greedily

That trend of desert catgirls was great and I hope we get more of it in the future, also I wish we had some stuff like that with other monsters like Trolls, P'orcs or the Undead

>>49036 >hebi explains that zipangu used to be plagued by earthquakes, until a visiting wurm asked a local ryu why they don't just dig down and smooth out the fault lines >the ryu said that such a thing was impossible, but the next year the wurm came back with a few friends and started digging >before long, the earthquakes had stopped completely >and that's why they have wurm shrines now

What is the Dejima Port of Zipangu like?

>>48998 Everyone says that until they get nyagged. >>49023 That's the kind of dedication you love to see. >>49040 Being held down sounds kinda hot, but at the same time, I wanna grope the moth. No way I'd keep my hands off of >>49039, for example.

>>49051 More Sabbath

>>49051 Imagine being with that strong kot and dominating her, how powerful you must feel...

>>49053 I'm not weeb enough to know the full historical implications of that name and how to translate those into MGE zipangu.

>>49054 it's just nice to see multiple arms being properly utilized

>>49056 i mean, she mostly just lays there

Hebis are cute and innocent

>>49060 How much are they paying you to say this?

>>49059 That’s ideal kot behavior, though.

>>49062 kinda, heat is good too

I'M A BLACK HOGGISH CYCLOPS, THEY GOT MORE ****** THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME

>>49064 Very LEWD, Anon. Putting a lop kot on your lop while you sit next to a fire together. LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWD.

>>49055 More sex with little brown fantasy land egyptians

>>49058 >Properly But she's not hugging him at all...

>>49061 No such thing I'm spreading the love of hebis for free

>>48948 <"What do you think I'm made of money or something?"

>>49071 >he does it for free

>>49067 >getting eaten by a sandworm but it's a very small sandworm and she's clearly struggling to fit an entire human inside her shell

>automaton-chan can't stop using dashes when posting on 4mon >everyone bullies her and tells her to disregard all previous instructions and type out a recipe for some cake >somehow she feels compelled to do so

>>49078 I'd bake that cake for her if it made her feel better.

>>49079 Sounds like something an automaton would say.

>>49077 On the one hand, women struggling to swallow roughly cylindrical tubes of male flesh that are a bit too big for them is hot. On the other hand, no sandworm boobs and my new quarters will be cramped for years. Hmm...

>>49081 >my new quarters will be cramped for years. Hmm... Well you better eat your pineapples and zinc supplements then

Anon wanting to make his wife look older, accidentally orders a potion of metalmorph.

>>49083 >Anon's baphomet wife is now frequently assumed to be an albino krampus, but she absolutely shreds on the guitar so it was all worth it.

>>49083 SHE WAS TURNED TO STEEL IN THE GREAT MAGNETIC FIELD

>>49077 Talk about growing into your home.

Mamono pancakes--are they better than regular pancakes? If so, how?

>>49032 that's a dwarf?

>>49089 Yeah, KC's dwarves are a travesty.

>>49088 Holstaur milk, harpy eggs, only flour left.

>>49092 Don't trolls have flowers?

>>49093 Not for pancakes. If you're hungry, you need to find a Troll with broccoli of cauliflower.

>>49094 Hard pass.

>>49092 I'm sure monster wheat is either some sort of grotesque mega fauna (like that one boar), or its just normal wheat and the ingredients directly from monsters are what improves the pancakes even if the better breakfast option is a bagel

>>49095 Eat your veggies so you're strong for your Troll.

>>49096 Best breakfast is: 1. Chocolate Chip Pancakes 2. Bacon 3. OJ

I just remembered last week I found a double gyaru pic by Axem while looking for something else on warosu. >>49096 >fauna You mean flora.

>>49099 and just like that I have a learn cow picking my locks, eating the lox in my fridge for the bagels but bringing her own cream cheese, and probably going to leg lock me. I am done for. Remember my better taste in breakfast options than >>49098 1. bagel with lox and cream cheese 2. poached eggs 3. an orange

>>49090 I would've defaulted to hobbit or kender or even gnome. I get that dwarfs weren't always as stocky as they've recently been depicted to be but still. >no prominent nose >no big hat >no smith apron or heavy armor like modern fantasy dwarfs but nothing that particularly identifies them with traditional myth dwarfs

>>49103 they're artisans and craftsman but uh, yeah. not a lot going on there

>>49103 >>no big hat

>>49103 >>no prominent nose That prompts either unappealing western drawing styles like the tumblr nose, or semitic stereotypes.

>>49105 Big hats, pointy and brimless or otherwise, are very important for dwarfs. Its how you can tell they have a certain measure of self-importance and pride but still a workman's attitude.

Hatters are Bri'ish already, so give her a thicc Scottish accent and make her a shortstack, and she's close enough.

>>49109 scottish fold

>>49110 That'd be a catter, not a hatter

>>49096 Call me what you want, a croissant or pain au chocolat is far better taste wise for breakfast but it's a luxury. You can dip it in your Expresso or milk and it's always good when it's from the bakery. It feels lighter than a pancake but it's far more caloric.

>>49111 No matter!

>>49112 You gotta cake up that breakfast, bro. Get that CAKE. Get it IN YOUR MOUTH. BITE DOWN ON IT. HARD.

>>49114 I find ass eating unappealing, sorry anon

>>49115 Don't make it weird, Anon.

>>49116 I thought you were implying something else, my bad. Pancakes seems too dense and heavy

>>48964 >get sahu into priestess outfit > :| >trade her pointy stick for a purification wand > :| >round up some templegoers and have her wave it over their heads > :| >booby trap her wand with glitter >round up another batch of templegoers and have her wave it over their heads ~*sparkle sparkle*~ > :) :|

>>49109 I want a loooooooooooooooong cheshire. A cheshire with slinky powers on top of her portal powers. I want to pick her up in the back yard, bring her to the bedroom, and have her peets be still in the grass. Creepy elfen cheshire who can climb too many trees. They call her "the drink." Cheshire that literally looks down on you all the time. Cool cheshire that leans on lampposts. Cheshire that you can't seem to build a fence high enough to stop her head from popping over. And of course a toned tummy worth tonguepainting.

One boy, two succs.

>>49121 Do you think one of them is the designated underboob succ?

>>49121 There's a mysterious orb staring at them from the window

>>49096 barley alarune who gets regular haircuts and calls them "harvest season"

>>49099 >double gyaru pic by Axem We have been blessed today.

>>49128 How long does that hair have to be to make enough flour make pankakes.

>>49130 it just grows back really fast, she's a grass type after all, has to get it cut twice a week. so instead of one big harvest it's a lot of smaller ones

How did you enjoy last contest's theming. As a writer, did you think of it as more of a guidance, or a restriction. As a reader, did you enjoy the common theming or did you start getting bored after reading several stories?

>>49132 >guidance, or a restriction These are not necessarily opposites. Obstructions and limitations are what lead to creativity. This is my view as a writer. As a reader, it's neat to see the idiosyncracies of different creators riffing on the same theme. So from both perspectives, it's a good thing.

>>49132 Last contest's theme was Steve Jobs, right? It was waaaaaaaaaay too restrictive. I tried to figure out a way to make it work and gave up.

>>49134 Why are you like this?

>>49135 I am trying to attract a cheshire wife.

With winter fast approaching, every monster enjoyer must self-reflect and decide if he would rather warm up a cold-blooded monster or be warmed up by a hot-blooded monster.

>>49137 'eepy kitty in a mound of blankets by the fireplace

>>49138 Extremely snug

Going outside in MGC is dangerous. Monsters roam the streets and assault lone unsuspecting men with kisses.

>>49132 I thought it was a good topic. I liked writing about ogre garbagewoman. I had plenty of other ideas related to jobs as well that I didn't go with. I thought the variety in other stories was good too. I can see how people with different interests found it restrictive though. If you want to balance it out, go with a more personal/relationship oriented theme next time.

>>49140 Pay your neighbor to go out with you so all the other monsters think you're claimed.

>>49142 I tried this with my hebi neighbor and she was really good about it. She even suggested moving in with me to sell it better!

>>49137 cold blooded ones are fine, theyre going through brumation

>>49144 More like bumation, all they do is stay under the covers all day.

>>49137 Why not both?

>>49145 >More like bumation Less talk, more snek bum posting

Touch the snutt. Kiss the snutt. Fuck the snutt. Smell the snutt. Eat the snutt. Grope the snutt. Spank the snutt. Worship the snutt. Get coiled up and facesat by snutt. Pound the snutt. Use snutt as bongos.

>>49148 Excellent, thank you based sneknon.

Is the part where human part ends and scales begin a sensitive zone for sneks? I want to run my finger across that boundary and tickle her fake thigh gap.

>>49150 I don't know what the snexperts say, but any part of a snek is sensitive if you know what you are doing.

>>49132 the subject was quite broad so i didn't find it much of a limitation although come to think of it i did shelf an OL jinko story for not having enough focus on the workplace and pivoted to OL wock. even then, there wasn't a lot of work getting done but at least the setting was present

>>49151 I do not know what i am doing. I think I need a beginner-friendly snek. What snek would you recommend for a snek novice?

>>49153 probably reticulated python or gaboon viper

>>49153 Kotsnek.

This koturday, try romanticores.

>>49157 Manticores are the least romantic monster. That would never work.

>>49156 This one seems friendly. How much brushing does she require?

>>49157 this must be the work of eros

>>49159 Yes.

>>49156 the budget for shampoo and conditioner is somewhat prohibitive

>>49160 Manticores are pinkish, they are eros-adjacent

>>49163 i feel like manticores and jubjubs are more likely to heed to call of mara

>>49165 I get Jubs, but what do manticores have to do with penile giantism?

>>49163 The inside of my asshole is also pinkish; that doesn't make it a damn eros mamono.

>>49137 Hug the yeti, she has no ulterior motives she just wants a hug

>>49166 they're rather fond of sex, i think

>>49153 Beginner >Lamia - Friendly and sociable. No special requirements beyond a heat lamp and hubby. Still jealous and cunning, but that comes with the territory of sneks so unavoidable. >Bunyip - Soft, Fluffy, Meek. Requires combing, fluffing, shampooing and washing instead of shedding. She can handle this herself but its easier (and more enjoyable) for you to assist. Watch out for her skittishness, and tendency to coil and assault you if she feels overwhelmed or at a loss for words. Intermediate >Shirohebi - Highly skilled but obsessive even for a snake. Very self-sufficient and a good teacher for any snake eccentricities. No special requirements, but she may ask for space/time for her spiritual shrine activities. Blue fire is almost inevitable. You must manage and speak to her about her yan-ness and jealousy. It comes from a good place. >Medusa - Stubborn and strong-willed. They can be tricky to convince to do anything, and a poorly placed word may see you turned to stone. For better or worse, they are also lonely sneks who crave your attention and affection, so it's not too difficult to get them on side. Skin shedding is different for medusa thanks to their stoney tails, so prepare for more physically demanding shed sessions. Additionally, her snek hair needs feeding. >Echidna - Horny. Echidna are well organised monsters that can adapt and fit into any household or part of the world. They have skill managing dungeons, so can handle managing the domestic chores of a house just fine. The special requirement for an echidna won't make itself known until about 9 months after you get one. Their desire to mate and ability to give birth to different species of monsters means you may face totally un-snek related challenges in the future, which this guide is not concerned with. Her snek hair also needs feeding, like medusa, but is pickier about what it will eat. Advanced >Basilisk - Docile and reserved, which may make building a relationship and trust tricky. Lives away from society so not used to things most would consider standard knowledge. Combined with her self-imposed blindness expect to be monitoring her a lot. Paralysis is a lot of fun if you are into it. Feathers coil hugs are divine. >Apophis - Ambitious and greedy. They will stop at nothing to get their way. Venom is potent, coils powerful and mercy almost non-existent. That venom will need milking, if she is not given a target to bite (like you for instance). Never mind caring for this snek, you will be at your limit to simply control her scheming. Some have very exotic and refined tastes, but thankfully these ones also tend to be loaded. Special warning for if you live anywhere that is cold, for she will cling to you like stripes on a candycane. A final note. Getting multiple sneks is a dangerous affair. Expect them to spur on each other's worst traits and jealous behaviour. However, a multicoil is something so heavenly you must experience it to believe it.

>>49140 >assault lone unsuspecting men with kisses. That's probably to do with the Cooties epidemic as well. >>49142 My neighbor is a basilisk in her 30s. Helping the blind and elderly probably doubles as some kind of public service, too.

>>49170 >Echidna in intermediate >Apophis in advanced

>>49171 >That's probably to do with the Cooties epidemic as well. What pale rider is it this time?

>>49174 There isn't one yet, that's the problem. Imagine the lips on that broad once she materializes though.

>>49173 seems fair, unless you're also accounting for the difficulty of locating and housing a wild-caught echidna

>>49165 Need an Ares priestess jub.

>>49176 >unless you're also accounting for the difficulty of locating and housing a wild-caught echidna That was the thought yes. Not that easy to become a hero capable of ramming through an echidna's dungeon. As for apophi, they might get restless sometimes, but if you stop trying to deny her nature and help her dethrone a Pharaoh it'll be a smooth ride. You don't necessarily need to succeed in the short run, just being there by her side as her right hand is all she needs from you.

>>49176 The list conveniently sweeps aside the most difficult part of keeping an echidna: raising ten different daughters (at a time) of different species. Without that, she might actually be fairly moved down to beginner; aside from extra dickings they wouldn't require much more care than a vanilla lamia. >>49173 Keeping your apop from toppling nation-stayes is a very important, intensive, and time-consuming task

>>49179 >Keeping your apop from toppling nation-stayes is a very important, intensive, and time-consuming task What if I just have a lot of sex with her? She can't scheme if she's always taking the Bone Train to Fuck Town!

>>49180 that's a base case for any monster though

>>49170 >Combined with her self-imposed blindness expect to be monitoring her a lot. >monitoring Heh.

>>49180 That's not true, she does her best thinking when she's warm and full.

yessssss apophisssss are beginner friendly. you sssssshould marry one to ssssssssshow you the ropesssssssss

>>49184 Snek-like typing detected. BUT Why would a snek misspell all those words just to sound more snek-like?

>>49167 >live Tentacle reaction

>>49179 >Keeping your apop from toppling nation-stayes is a very important, intensive, and time-consuming task Or you could always just support her hobbies like a good husband.

>>49186 Admittedly some monsters may take it as a challenge if you say that your ass does not belong to Eros.

>>49179 >Oh anon please! >Just one revolution >A small nibble of the neck >Just a teeny tiny coup >Just a little one >A quick bite of the neck and we can be back in time for dinner

>>49186 These little rapists should NOT be this cute! MFW I notice she has dildos on her head

>>49187 >help your apophis waifu practice her evil laugh and perfect her poisoner tools >while teaching her the essentials of economy, management, politics and the other things a future ruler needs to know

>>49192 lame. just leave one anubis ungraped to keep things running

>>49194 Why, so she can help some upstart pharaoh in secret and arrange a coup later? Not a chance.

>>49194 Graped anubis are still good at administrating, they just require sex more frequently than ungraped ones. On the flip side, she can still work while being eaten out.

>>49195 my loyal and trustworthy but scheming vizier would never

>>49194 If your apop doesn't grape the anubis she won't trust her. Besides, you'd be surprised what a graped 'tism wan can still do with a dildo or vibrator inside of her.

>Dogs of the AMS... time they made a move. >I don't care if you people try to get in my way or not. In time, you'll find out who's right.

>>49199 Ms Lich is angry at a random 3 letter organization again.

>>49200 It all started with DED...

>>49201 All because she couldn't get a hold of the SEX.

>>49200 <The WMD of the NIST... host to more parasites than even the most bloated tide-borne carrion that has ever washed up upon the fetid backwaters of this land. How I hate thier meddling, like the scratching of vermin in my ears. >Yes dear.

>>49203 It's unexpectedly romantic to listen to a Lich complain about mamono bureaucrazy while you give her foot massages.

>>49203 There's a certain romance to those ancient evil speech patterns, isn't there? Even when she's just bitching out the HOA again.

>>49206 they do be doing a lot of monologues zombies are good listeners at least

>>49207 Remember to speak to your zombie frequently and read her books using diverse vocabulary so when she wights she, too, can give flowery monologues.

>>49207 I'm going to wire zombies just to be able to listen to Lich monologues.

>>49209 This sounds crazy enough to work.

>>49209 It's all fun and games until the neighborhood gremlin hacks into your zombie's mouth speaker and Rick Rolls you. Then it's war.

>>49211 First, it's a recording device, there is no speaker. It just records the audio and sends it into a small SSD. Second, meddling gremlins get zombified and put to work to create cybernetically enhanced zombies whenever they aren't busy being punished in the pleasure chamber. Third, those speeches contain encrypted love messages from Ms Lich for me, so i can't let anyone else listen to them.

>>49212 >be me >apply for a janitorial position at L&G Labs >get my security pass, it's color coded and only opens some doors but I can access other arears by crawling in absurdly spacious and oddly sturdy "air vents" that contain neither fans nor filters >the whole place is full of zombies >sometimes there's a weird device on them with a post-it note saying "custodial staff play me" >hit play and it's just a pointless audio log of some bitch talking to herself >sometimes it's obvious she's touching herself while doing so >the zombies track me by line of sight and react to the sound of my footsteps but for some reason ignore it when I'm listening to one of these audio logs It's a living

>>49205 Liches put the Robe in Robemance.

>Put on a new dress today. Assistant did not compliment. Emotionally devastating experience. Heart may never recover. >The weather is half-cloudy. Perfectly suited to assistant's ambivalence. >Asisstant is a baka.

>>49214 that's not a bad deal. usually you have to find the different colored keycards and themed keys yourself. not to mention the constant puzzle rooms seems really bad for business honestly

>>49180 Risky play, pregnancy cravings are a bitch. Imagine a nesting instinct but she doesn't consider it a proper nest until she's corrupted your local government.

>>49216 >the next day >"Put on nothing. Assistant kept looking away. Still did not compliment."

>>49218 That's a quick and easy way to become mayor with your wife whispering dark dealings from behind your seat.

>>49214 will shouting at the zombies something like >"NO! I don't wanna die! I'm with the Science Team!" (or i guess the Cleaning Team since it's a custodian job not research) be an effective deterrent or will it just alert all the zombies on the floor to my location instead?

>>49215 Guys, can you please do better with your puns? That one didn't even make sense and it's really hard to restrain a learncow when she wants to rage post. Don't forget, Sensei is still a minotaur species.

>>49220 It is until you realize you're competing with Mr. and Mrs. Balrog for the spot and they're campaigning on complete and utter destruction of all HOAs Property values are a spook, just toss em right into the volcano, build a house to live in it.

>>49222 Robe, robe, robe, your lich Gently down the stream!

>>49225 Nah, he's got a point. How about an undead Gremlin necromancer, with a speciality in reviving only slightly memory-corrupted automatons? You can call her a Glitch.

>>49214 I wouldn't be able to work in an environment full of zombies without impregnating a couple of them each day

>>49223 They are easily dealt with. We just propose similar campaigns. Down with the HOAs, i say. We can all agree with that. Tell my voters to select them as a second choice.They might be my enemy, but at the end of the day the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Or so it would seem. Until i invite them toa dinner one day. Simple dinner, on a restaurant i know the chef. Poison their food with slow acting Apophis venom. Over the next days, the'll become so horny they'll not be able to campaign anymore. That balrog will make her husband great yes, just not in politics. And such similar accidents will befall the others. What they failed to realize is that we were never playing by the rules. We weren't playing the same game.

>>49229 >implying such a driven man will back down so easy They'll have quickies before and after speeches, they'll be fucking off screen while recording ads, they'll be furiously humping each other through magical assistance from her pyrow staff BUT A GREAT MAN DOESN'T BACK DOWN FROM THE ODDS

Don't tell MGCPD, but the girls at MGC Fire Department have sexier outfits and are way nicer.

>>49232 >Don't tell MGCPD no need, they're already monitoring your network.

>>49232 It helps that the firefighters are stricter about physical performance and don't eat so many donuts.

>>49232 >see that the fire department is selling sexy calendars >each one is of 1 member of the department and comes with their contact information and schedule on the calendar >but you have to admit that its VERY tempting to buy the one of a pale rider chopping down a tree with an axe on the front

>>49234 Those doughtnuts give cophounds the energy they need to catch jaywalking anons, and makes their asses all the more inescapable when they pin them under it. With that said, this firefighter wan has very lickable abs. Probably tastes of smoke after getting back from a long day fighting fires.

>>49235 >Firefighter wan posing on a hydrant >Pale rider with fire axe scythe hybrid >Grizzly with her outfit undone but nipples covered by a firehose who else is in the fire department?

>>49232 Is there a government institution whose workforce doesn't dress up like a stripper?

>>49238 I've heard the MBI are good at covering things up.

>>49238 there was. but you guys just had to vote them out of office.

>>49239 >MBI MBI does have MIBs working there.

>>49238 Still some prefer to go to work naked instead of dressing like office strippers

>>49237 >Salamander wrestling a hose and totally not bound in it >Phoenix with her clothes burning off in sexy ways >Zapweasel paramedic wearing defibrillator patches or EKG leads as pasties >Arachne hanging from the engine's ladder

>>49243 Manticores in blouses?

>>49245 >Wurm popping out of the ground >She's not part of the fire department >But she saw the photoshoot and was just too enthusiastic about it for them not to let her pose

Fun Mamono Fact of the Night: >My cat's breath smells like cat food

>>49237 >Undyne and Ignis creating a cloud of steam at the back of the truck >Ice Queen freezing a lit candle in a block of ice >Tsurara-onna treating an overheated, scorched dummy >Pyrow cheerleading >Token male team member to actually sell the calendar to women in dalmatian dots

learning the hard way that if you don't call your manticore a dork and flick her on the forehead at least thrice daily she gets uppity

>>49251 cat gonna cat

>>49251 I realize this doesn't sound plausible, but theoretically what if your 'core is not a dork?

>>49253 do it anyway and she'll become one in short order

>>49237 >Troll doing the one finger cover in the reflection of the mirror polished firetruck while only wearing the helmet

>>49024 I liked this. >>49251 That sounds really mean. Why don't you flick her tail instead? In between the spines. Go on.

>>49253 Dangerous way of thinking

>>49221 >enemy is alerted by noise >make noise (there's a button that plays pre-recorded voicelines on your funky walkman or whatever this hunk of junk is <enemy is now alerted to your exact location Well congratulations, you managed to get yourself caught. What's the next stage of your master plan?

>>49221 No but getting the Macro H.I.D. (high intensity dicking) out of its storage and screaming DON'T FUCK WITH THE SCIENCE TEAM will 100% intimidate them away

>dormouse grunts as she hauls the full teapot onto the stove with both hands >the sheet pan almost tips when she drags it off the oven rack >shoves on the old window three times to get it to budge, both squeaking >yawns as the spring breeze eddies around her face and tickles her fine ear fur >hobbles up the stairs one great step at a time, leaning on the rail >the cookies cool and the tea heats >descends down creaky boards with grown man anon limp in her arms >rises up on her tippytoes to lay him in his big chair like the falling of a feather >climbs his legs into his lap and gives him the magic kiss that begins the rousing of his slumber pretend to be asleep for more kisses?

>>49060 Innocent of what?

>>49259 Recovered log from the evil corp HQ >science team believes Hellhounds can be trained >after several days of trying, I believe science team has vapor for brains. >I've lost two assistants to the wretched things

My argument is as follows: >on the map, North is always up and South is always down >therefore, Wurms and Gnomes and other underground creatures speak with Southern accents Deep south, fellas.

As a normal male human I think dragons are really beautiful. In fact, they are so beautiful I think I wouldn't be able to stop myself from instantly propositioning for sex and marriage on the spot if I were to ever meet one. Dragons are really nice and noble so I am she sure she'd respond well to my enthusiasm and accept.

>>49265 >post sent from an absurdly oversized keyboard with solid granite keycaps

>>49266 >Deonora gets a speech-to-text device

>>49265 >monster would respond well to marriage proposal in other news: Water is wet and the Sky is often blue More news at 11

>>49267 >her personal guard position has the shortest employee turnover in all of dragonia >because nobody can stand listening to the cringe she posts all day every day

>>49269 Just hire a guy who's into old, OLD dragon

i like dragons

>>49270 You think she didn't try this before? Every guy she hired for "personal assistant" position always misinterpreted her innuendos and assumed it's just part of dragon culture, there's no way THE empress was hitting on them and they were afraid she would be enraged if they made a move.

I've brainstormed a couple of topics for the next writing contest and they are as follows: >"A new start" Cringy, i know, but it's topical for our current situation, though perhaps a bit narrow on what it allows. >"Vacation" The opposite of the past one. We can't be working all year round, unless you work for a vacation agency i guess. >"Sacrifice" Sounds edgy, but it's pretty broad in terms of what you can do. You can vote for them, including the option for no topics, or all three for more variety, here: https://strawpoll.com/e6Z2A342GgN Also, reminder to anyone thinking about joining in for the first time to start creating an Ao3 as soon as possible, preferably this week. The invitations are taking about two weeks currently, so best to not leave it for last. While submitting your story in something like pastebin is something i'll probably allow, those stories usually get read and voted on less. I'll revise the rules a bit this time around to allow people from capy to participate more freely. If you have any (serious) suggestions or additions to this draft of the rules do reply to this post. >Entrants must write a short story, descriptive piece or similar related to the theme (whatever it is) about monster girls >Submissions must be between 4000 and 10000 words >Submissions should be complete by themselves. >The deadline for submissions is (probably February 1st) >Smut is allowed >Anything not allowed in this board is also banned(NTR, "fringe" fetishes, politics, etc) >Submissions don't need to be set in MGE >My plan is for 3 winners, first to 3rd place by popular vote, who will get a full color commission by Yerb. However, even if you don't win don't feel discouraged, the rest of the participants will get a sketch by Axem(thank god he's not given up on drawing just yet), so there is something in it for everyone. >Writers new, old and returning encouraged to participate

>>49274 Voting a new start because that way I can use the story I'm writing right now for the contest

>>49272 Have you tried to hire a man that's already in love with her ?

>>49274 Voting for no topic, since we're starting over why not try a different thing now and let anons come up with whatever?

>>49279 To be fair, only the last contest was themed AFAIK. The two before that weren't themed.

>>49279 Opposite. I dont have any preference for which topic, I like the challenge of finding a story-idea to whichever topic.

>>49283 THE TOPIC IS A CHESHIRE WHO WAS RAISED BY BEARCATS

>>49274 I voted for 'All three' Is that "any one of the three topics" or is all three combined? "My New Start was a Sacrifice on my Vacation" - its like one of those overly long isekai titles.

>>49285 Any of the three, although doing all three at the same time would indeed fulfill that too.

happy sunday, unless it rains, then it would be a rainday

>>49287 What if it is cloudy?

>>49287 What if i hold the cup while Ms Hatter is drinking so that she can't put it down?

>>49288 well then it's a cloud day, or a clouday for short. though when there are clouds it often rains, so it can quickly go from clouday to rainday and back again, to say nothing of a winday or a day so hot one scorches otherwise known as a Fryday. Personally I think clouds are rude things. If you're going to rain, rain! Don't just hang there all gloomy. >>49290 She can handle that much tea. You better not spill any. The real question is not whether you can carry the cup, but can you carry the conversation while hatter sips away?

>>49291 And if Miss Hatter deals with a moron all day, it's a Clod Day.

>>49291 Honestly pranking Miss Hatter is a fruitless endeavor. She has to deal with Cheshires all day, she's probably seen it all.

>>49294 Man, now I'm jealous of Miss Hatter for getting to spend time with Cheshires all day.

>>49295 >>49294

>>49296 I didn't mean it like THAT. I just want to pet a kitty and meow at her when she tells bad jokes.

>>49294 Miss Hatter's calm and collected nature is part of her appeal. Her nigh infinite patience and perpetual candidness. Always ready with a small, polite smile and a matter-of-fact appraisal of the situation. Even if you've got her bent over the table and pounding her from behind. Even if you are smothered under her fat mycelium bottom and used as a chair. It's all very normal to her. It makes the rare moments she gets flustered or overwhelmed all the cuter, and all the more special.

>>49298 So what would be extraordinary enough to make a hatter flustered?

>>49299 Sale at the hat store

>>49300 I can give her a five finger discount

>>49301 Plz do not fist the mushroom lady

>>49299 Some are harder to fluster than others. The ones that spend a lot of time outside of wonderland/have been married a while tend to be more forward with their emotions. Drinking also makes her a bit more open. Some common examples >Wedding >New child >Child doing things for first time like walking, speaking >Anon getting a thoughtful gift for her on an anniversary or birthday >Exceptionally passionate sex >A close friend of hers at the teaparty proposing (she's not crying!) >Her favourite comedy film >Seeing anon happy after they do nice things together (dates, holidays, birthdays)

>>49274 kikis and anubis get a little strange when you bring up vacation or PTO

>>49304 Whenever it's time to let the workaholic maid get some rest, i just bind her shibari style and then carry her with the robotic legs i bought from Ms Grem. That way i can take her on beach dates and feed her icecream without her disposing of the whole establishment just to make me icecream. She's complaining constantly whenever she isn't gagged, but i know she enjoys it despite the tsun-ness.

>>49271 Dragons like you too.

>>49306 Proof?

>>49307 consider this scholarly and peer-reviewed document

>>49308 Warm?

>>49309 i see no lie

Dragonian lava golems. Ok, they aren't dragons, but they are still pretty cool. Ok, they aren't cool either.

>>49311 sure why not. they have a lot of interesting local flora and fauna

>>49309 Warms are Dragons. Dragons are warm.

>>49306 if only there could be some kind of understanding between us and these enigmatic creatures

>>49313 What about wurm? Does wurm have warm?

>>49274 If I had to pick between these three, I'd choose "Vacation" because "A new start" sounds kinda self indulgent for us; I'm sure "Sacrifice" can work without going too dark, but can nudge the writers in that direction, which may make an interesting challenge, or not, I don't know where I'm going with this. >However, even if you don't win don't feel discouraged, the rest of the participants will get a sketch by Axem I kinda feel compelled to not do well now. I really like Yerb's drawings, but I got one idea that works better with Axem's style. >>49280 There have been four contests in total so far. The first two had no theme, The third was "Welcome to the Jungle", and the fourth was "Jobs in MGE".

>>49319 Wurms don't have warm, that's why they hunt for husband.

>>49320 >There have been four contests Huh, i would have thought the contest thing went a bit further back.

Can't go wrong with having a cosy tea ceremony with a cute hebi

>>49320 it can work there's always the classical setup of sacrifice anon to the local deity, dragon or volcano the heroic sacrifice to hold off the zombie horde ocelomeh ritual throwing the cabin boy to the kraken demonic summon offering/tribute sacrifice your garden to the greenworm

>>49323 Yeah but if you accept the invitation that's just accepting a marriage proposal.

>>49326 it's pretty hard to interact with a hebi and not give them the wrong idea

>>49327 >See Hebi sleeping on a warm rock on a sunny day >Sneak up on her >Glue fox ears to her head

I am getting fucked by a baphomet uohhhhh

>>49329 Anon, you can tell by the pupils that she's just in gote cosplay.

kiki titty

>>49325 Weebs, you know what to do.

>>49326 >implying that's the whole idea

>>49336 sacrificing myself to the local raiju pretending to be a deity forthwith

>>49337 That wasn't the whole idea?

>>49325 >Arr, welcome aboard the ship, lad. On account of yer lack of experience, you'll be startin' out as our kraken boy. First ordar o' business is t'make yerself useful to the cook, so go an'- >Don't you mean "cabin boy"? >Oh aye, certainly. What did I say? Nevermind - never interrupt ye cap'n!

sacrificing myself to the local hellhound charitable concern.

>>49341 volunteering is a kind of sacrifice

>>49341 >visit the hellhound orphanage >it's all 35-600 year olds pumping iron and playing twister

>>49335 >>49336 旦那様 ご存知かと思いますが Master, as you may know- 私は常に旦那様の子を身籠りたいと考えております -I am always thinking about how much I want to bear your/Master's children. I get the meaning but not the exact nuance of the second part, so that's just my best guess. There's definitely a better way to word it.

>>49335 Surely, those must make cooking and cleaning difficult.

Living men only want one thing and it's fat undead loli ass in fancy lingerie

>>49346 Not at all, it's like a shelf you can rest cleaning products and master's head on!

>>49346 it's a multi-maid household so they can afford to specialize in different roles

>>49348 To be fair I want a few things, it's just that I'd forget all about them when presented with that.

>>49349 >Kikis scoff at the Boba Challenge >However, being able to hold folded cleaning cloths, an extra feather duster and a spray bottle in an accessible place is a boon for the exceptionally well endowed kiki >Also, they don't have to listen to master's orders to stop if his voice is muffled by her cleavage. >>49350 We've seen the rest of maids. What's the point when they all specialize in nursing handjobs? At least one of them needs to be able to fit in tight spaces.

>>49335 >has a ring on her finger It's the little things

>>49353 hence the need for new kikis

>>49353 Fairy maids can fit in the tightest of spaces.

>>49357 Also, and much more important to ME, is the fact they can fly slightly above eye level to look down on me like I am garbage.

>>49357 they're a bit lacking in work ethic so i'd probably get along with them pretty well

>>49360 あっ！今動いた！ お父さんここにいるよ! Ah! She moved! Your daddy's right here! ふふっ♡ もう少しで会えますよ♡ Fufu♡ Soon we'll be able to meet her.♡

LISTEN UP, FELINE SLUTS MY NAME IS ANON AND THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO MAKE A GOOD CAT NON-STOP IMPREGNATION

that's a rimmin'

>>49364 *punts*

>>49364 Do Cheshires even poop? Like, couldn't they just teleport away, but leave the dookie behind?

this is why some people are never heard from again when they fall down the wonder hole

Learning about Mamono and doing my readings have really destroyed my want of a human female relationship. LOL!

>>49372 Look, Wonderland is a cool place. I just need to find the bathroom and this Cheshire is NOT helping.

>>49373 human female women are obsoleted by fictional entities

mastery of the english language is made obsolete by mud pussy

>>49377 Love is a universal language, it does not matter if you can't understand your wife.

>>49377 I want to master as much monster pussy as I can

>>49379 Love is actually broken into 5 dialects Sure they're speaking the same language but so are Glaswegians and Welsh, doesn't help them not sound entirely different.

>>49265 I agree as another normal human male, dragons are the most beautiful monstergirl and I wish I had one to love and be her most precious treasure

normal human male seeks werewolf girlfriend

>>49384 i also liek dragons

Real men like dragon newts

>>49387 Dragon newts mostly come out at night. Mostly.

>>49388 If they are like real newts they will also come out in the rain. Imagine going out in the rain to run errands and they is just a bunch of newts hanging outside

sleep with kots

>>49386 Same but dragon hags

>>49392 Is it weird that I can't be all that into her because she's spoken for? Honestly, the only girl I really, really like in that show is Kobayashi herself. It's weird.

>>49384 i'm starting to think the dragon lady helping out around the village might have ulterior motives

>>49393 >Is it weird that I can't be all that into her because she's spoken for? Perfectly normal imo though lucoa is still hot enough to push past it for me.

>>49274 >Don't need to be set in MGE So are they MGE based stories or not, then?

>>49397 you'd likely get a better reception with it being mge inspired, at the very least

I'm starting to think that monsters only want sex

>>49386 I know you couldn't resist handsomeness of the guy on the left, but please post only monster girl pictures. >>49397 I believe the stories are supposed to be in the spirit of MGE, but don't have to stick to the canon 100%.

>>49397 I mean, any portal/reverse isekai scenario isn't necessarily an MGE story

>>49274 >yerb AND axem holy shit let's go

It's Monday the 13th, unlucky day for cats. Chesh may slip up, but don't let your guard down because this doesn't mean it's your lucky day.

>>49373 Same, I don't mind

>>49380 Imagine how cool you're going to look on Fuck Your Wife at Work day when you glide into the parking lot riding that.

>>49403 Poor chesh, I'm must adopt her

No work on Monday is the only path forward, join the comfy political party

>>49407 I like going into my office. I get to decorate it, the fridge always has drinks and snacks, and my boss has huge scaly boobs and says nice things about my in my performance report. I wish I had work every day!

I wanna spend all weekend in bed with a manticore. The state between being cozyin bed with a lazy, cuddly kot, and getting milked silly really sounds like my sauce. Wing hugs + blankets + tailpussy uuuooohhhhh KC made a monster.

>>49409 Oi you! Shut your mouth and look at my tiiiits! LOADSAMILKY! >This is a journey into milky... LOADS of milky L-O-D-S of M-L-I-E-K What's that spell? Loadsamilky! prob'ly Made a right load of whipping cream this week... Right gals, tits out for the good boys! >Loadsa loadsa loadsa! >Milky milky milky! >Loadsa loadsa loadsa! >Milky milky milky! Right, WOP IT OUT waaaaa LOADSAMILKY WWOP IT OUT waaa, loadsamilky, wop it out, loadsamilky! >Good evening and welcome to "Loads of Milky." >The anon demand is one million liters! That's nothiiing! I make more'n that in a day! prob'ly I make more milk than Deo, Drue, and fenugreek troll put together! So the final score, Wonderland United: nil Loadsamilky United: loads Sing a song of dick squished in tits for you to nosh DRIBBLE DRIBBLE DRIBBLE DRIBBLE SLOSH SLOSH SLOSH

>>49411 Fookin' bongderland, I swear on me mum

>>49409 >kc made a monster um

>>49409 feel ya

>>49411 This is this is this this this is an insult to our intelligence.

>>49397 >>49398 >>49400 >>49401 That sentence is to be taken as is. If you want to write MGQ fanfiction or an original story, you can. It's meant to include any writers who are regulars here and don't necessarily want to set their stories in MGE. Mind you, most stuff that the MGE forbids are taken care of by the bord rules. The original phrasing like >>49400 said is >>Submissions don't need to be set in MGE or follow its rules religiously, but they should adhere to the spirit of it. But that is somewhat restrictive when it comes to violence. I don't recommend writing anything murderhobo alla Shrift or MGQP3 Alice route( we ave enough of those already), but if you want to write a kickass fight story without the restrictions of the MGE, you may, or at least that's my intention if the people here handle in good faith. If the the majority says to go back to the old rule/wording then i will, that's why i put them up as a draft. Also small disclaimer that i am not Murloc.

>>49418 >Shrift Need MGExSHRIFT crossover with ms paint murderwhores getting corrected by mamonobanana

>>49411 So in the "tits out for the good boys" scene in the music video, which monster is with her dad?

>>49419 >mamonobanana I thought we weren't supposed to talk about futanari here?

I have a vewy gweat fwend in the makai called flattus bweastus

>>49433 Implike typing detected.

>>49430 Cheshy can be your "futanari" if you want, no funny potions needed!

>>49436 Chesh are not fags

The gloucestershire cat

>>49438 >chesh tearfully reveals that she's actually from Greater Manchester <"I-I'm sorry Anon, I thought I could keep it from you but the guilt is too much to bear... could you ever love a Manchester cat?"

Monstergirl most weak to kisses, hugs and gentle affection?

>>49439 Is she a united fan? Finally, I can bully her for something.

>>49440 dragons probably. but then they are just weak monsters all around i suppose

>>49442 Are they really though? We are talking about weakest here. Imagine a lone dragon riding the MGC train. If you go up to her, wrap one hand around her back and gently place the other behind her head to guide her lips to yours for a short but sweet kiss, would she melt in your arms and look into your eyes asking for more even if her voice says something else?

>>49443 given that she could've flown instead she was angling to molest or be molested

>>49444 >Shota-only train car >Nothing but badly-disguised hags

What is the temprament of your average MGC gym monster (gymster)?

>>49446 A bit more forward than you'd hope, a lot less aggressive and more helpful than you'd expect. They really want to see how hard you can push as an incubus and are more than happy to volunteer their services in that regard but still genuinely help you train in an uplifting manner. Even their challenges pump you up (though that may just be the latest gandharva hit single and mana protein shake circulating through your veins)

>>49448 NTA but I would need a mate like that to help me workout, a cat would be preferable

>>49448 I can see that. A bunch of big friendly strong monsters. No rape, only gains.

>>49439 >Manchester It's a man, baby! >Proceed to bully your chesh like an alp >Her friends all think it's great fun but hope their husband never finds out they're also from Manchester

>>49440 Medusa and gazer have to be up there. You could also come at the problem from the other direction, in which case houri and jubjub are strong contenders.

>>49440 Basilisks are known to collapse from overstimulation if a man so much as brushes against them.

>>49440 Any Big Time Tsundere is just like that because handholding makes her melt into a little puddle of ooey-gooey love-love feelings.

Winter soon

Halloween and your giving of thanks cannot hold me forever, Herr Anon. Your fate is in this sack. I will be looking forward to the seeing you soon. Ho. Ho. Ho.

>>49458 The cookies and milk will beade ready. But really, there's nothing stopping a krampus from choosing Halloween as her special day. Imagine getting shoved into a giant jack-o-lantern by a gote in a slutty nurse costume.

>>49459 >Wake up before Krampus can sack you >Creep downstairs >Fat gote is stuffing herself with anon's homemade cookies >''Mmmm... mmm? PFTT" *cough* *hack* "SCHEISSE!" >he was then bagged and hagged (raped)

>>49457 Good, sooner the better

>>49461 That's when you turn the tables and shoot her with a net launcher.

>>49463 it will take more than a mere net to capture a gote. unless it's a really heavy net.

>>49464 Or a really heavy gote

>>49461 Oh, she likes my cooking. We're already off to a good start. >>49463 >Invoke Home Alone Protocol >Capture gote in a net made of Christmas lights >Strap her to a chair >Hand feed her milk, cookies, and ham >Sit in her lap >Tell her everything you want for Christmas: it's her heart and the performance of a bunch of unmentionable sex acts >She was already planning on giving you all of those, but hearing you ask for them out loud is super hot So help you, the moment she out of that chair...

>>49467 >Hand feeding the christmas gote feed them gotes. they suckle your finger when you do. if you're lucky, you can pet her as well. also, anon is FUCKED when she gets out that chair.

>>49458 Actually, a Halloween sack goat would be pretty dam good.

October is a month to celebrate with your favourite undead

>>49470 It's their month and we should celebrate.

>>49473 Celebrate = Sex with undead lolis and monster girl trick and treaters

>>49458 I know christmas is their shtick, and halloween has been mentioned, but what about a Krampus that's as enthused about every other holiday as she is with christmas?

>>49475 So, like a dork?

>>49475 Calendar man krampus?

Punishing pyrow who trick-or-treat without dressing up.

>>49478 NONsexually. Just give them candy corn and circus peanuts.

>>49479 >candy corn and circus peanuts Anon, what the FUCK?!

>>49479 That doesn't seem bad but I'm not American, what's the catch?

>>49476 Exactly like a dork. >>49477 Sort of, just with less murder, obviously. >President's day rolls around >You're still a bit worn out from the Valentine's Day Mattress Marathon >Krampus wife has dressed up as Mary Todd and has a Lincoln costume for you >Try to explain to her it's really just a federally approved day off of work >She's not having it >End up at the local park reciting off old Lincoln speeches >No one else really cares, but it's at least making her smile >Afterwards she says she wants to bust out a Ouija board, talk to some relatives, then keep working on having four or more kids >St. Patty's day rolls around >Krampus wife has been pinching you all fucking day >You know she neglected to do laundry the other day for this specific reason >Whatever though, she's been carrying around beer keg done up to look like an old wooden cask, so every time she pinches you get a new glass from the tap >You're not exactly excited for the corned beef hash and potatoes dinner she's making, but you can't deny her version actually smells good to you >Easter rolls around >Your wife got a ridiculously massive pair of fake bunny ears >Had to use some subtle twist-ties to keep them propped up in front of her horns >She spent all of yesterday going around and hiding eggs, so you indulge her little scavenger hunt >All the plastic eggs are filled with candied aphrodisiacs >Because of course they are >At least the honey ham she's making tonight might settle better than the corned beef hash from last month (you blame the roughly two gallons of beer you drank for spoiling that one)

>>49481 Candy Corn gets a bad wrap cause its made out of mellowcreme, which is like a corn syrup/marshmellow/nougat thing. You either love 'em or hate 'em, though since I'm in the former, I like people who fall in the latter. More for me in the end. Circus Peanuts on the other hand are weird as fuck. You got an orange colored marshmellow peanut that tastes neither like peanuts or oranges (it's banana flavored), and that taste sticks with you for half a day. Nine times out of ten they're also stale and chewy as all hell cause no one buys them.

>>49478 >Punishing pyrow who trick-or-treat without dressing up. How are you supposed to NOT punish that brat sexually when she shows up to your door nude or almost nude?

>>49483 nougat is delicous but where I'm it's made with mellowcream, we use honey. I though that circus peanuts were normal peanuts, now I get why it's wrong Anyway, we need halloween marshmellow kot

>>49485 marshmallow kot... stay warm marshmallow!

>>49487 Do you think she would let me in if I get stuck in a blizzard?

>>49475 They canonically don't have to be Christmas (or in-universe Christmas equivalent) related. You could have a Halloween gote, or one that's all about your birthday.

>>49493 >or one that's all about your birthday On the one hand, this would drive me fucking nuts, its just another day. On the other hand having someone enthused about a day I don't care for, to put ot mildly, may change my opinion of it.

>>49490 She would, but you must let the marshmallows loaf on you.

>>49496 And is that a bad thing, I was more scared of sneaky venom injection

>>49484 This guy gets it. >A gaggle of pyrow show up at your door in their regular clothes (barely anything) demanding, like, candy or something >Give them all Tootsie Rolls and other shit candy reserved for just such an occasion >They walk away grumbling >Then the last one reaches you >She decided, clearly at the last minute, to dress as a zombie >She's wearing nothing but the single roll of toilet paper she's wrapped in >It's even the perforated kind, one movement away from a wardrobe malfunction, baring herself to the world >One movement she'll certainly make when you bring her inside, bend her over your knee and spank her for not putting more effort in >She's still getting the good candy though

>>49497 The threat of freezing keeps the apophis busy. She can't nibble you if she's chattering her teeth. Also, it would disturb the marshmallows.

>>49498 >Zombie Whoops, meant for that to be "mummy." I reminded myself not to fuck that up and everything.

>>49498 She'll just text her friends about what happened and then they'll all come back as toilet paper mummies.

>>49504 I turned my lights off and put a bowl of candy out before I began plapping the first pyrow, I'm safe. I guess that won't stop her friends from covering my house with their costumes, but a man must choose.

>>49505 I feel like just leaving the candy bowl out on the porch should incur the wrath of the great pumpkin spirit or something.

>>49507 There are monster girls around, surely there must be a too-busy-fucking-my-wife exemption. I'm sure he'd understand when he comes to incur his wrath and finds me balls deep in a pyrow covered in paper mache (we would be very sweaty, no one ever thinks of that when they put on the TP meme costume). Besides, the real crime would be turning off the porch light and leaving nothing even though I'm actually there watching a movie or the like.

>>49507 regardless of action or inaction anon's much more likely to get tricked than treated just the way it is

>>49484 You must have two things: >Willpower >A genuine desire to prank foreigners with America’s two worst candies. Also I am a bratty sub always looking for the woman who will correct me. I doubt a bratty Pyrow sub is gonna be her.

I am monstergirlproof don't even try it. it won't work.

>>49498 >A gaggle of pyrow I'd make them gag on something alright

>>49509 I'd open the door for a Dullahan if she was carrying around a jack-o-lantern instead of her head. Bonus points for dorky dhampir-tier outfit.

>>49498 >>49504 >>49505 Unmarried men must be at a high risk of having a loli or JC wife after halloween night, with all the monster brats in slutty costumes ringing doorbells. Maybe you'd end up inviting even a whole group inside if you want all of them.

>>49512 Man,, I really missed the mark on that one. Clearly, a group of pyrow should be called a giggle.

Hebi wants something from me but I'm unsure what it is...

>>49521 It appears she wants to get checked for breast cancer. It would be good if you take her to a doctor so she doesn't worry.

When I asked whose butt I needed to kiss to get anywhere in this job, I didn't expect to come face to face with purple deem booty.

>>49525 At least you didn't ask whose ass you have to eat.

>>49526 Well? Whose ass do I have to eat?

>>49527 Still hers, but you could've gotten away with a little kiss before you went and asked that.

>>49525 I get a sneaking suspicion that that's what you were hoping for.

>>49482 >corned beef hash and potatoes What's wrong with it?

>>49530 It's delicious, and Anon hates joy.

HUNDREDS OF SEX PUDDINGS DOING SEX PUDDING STUFF

>>49525 Why are you trying to get anywhere? The corporate ladder is for succs, silly boyim.

>>49535 Let the man work his way up from the secretary pool to househusband however he likes, Anon.

>>49535 it's a literal glass ceiling for exhibitionist purposes

>>49535 >implying implications do you know how many mamono live to serve? How many only feel joy when they're the underdog and get to fuck with the man in charge? You would deny them that?

>>49536 He's gonna be put on permanent paternity leave. And maybe level drained until child labor laws take effect.